X and other things.

Friends, 

I apologise for not having kept you up to date on my thoughts and doings of late.  I had taken a little break back to X.  I did return to a shocking sum of emails about my blog.  It was actually quite amazing.  I am used to maybe one or two every few weeks.  Anyway, the emails were either emails of praise, some stating they find my ‘dry humour too funny for words’ which left me smiling.  Some said they did not know that others shared in my opinions about certain things to which I responded ‘You are NEVER alone.’  Of the twentysomething emails I did receive however, about 6 of them were emails of praise.  I responded to all of them enthusiastically as they had taken time out of their day – albeit 2 minutes – to explain the enjoyment they get from my ramblings.  This bodes only too well with me.  The rest were emails of futile resistance to my commanding judgments.  Some were so offended at my opinions that, I’m sure if they were in a room with me they would actually try to fight me.  They would lose.  But still, they would try.  As I said, futile.  One dude was talking about how he believes that I am a ‘dickhead with backward views’ and that I ‘suck hard cock’.  He then went on to say how he loves his girlfriend; whom in my view must be the fattest, balding, alcoholic, ginger, penis wielding, genital wart possessing, ugly cunt…who he had probably knocked up, and that he found my blog about Ugg boots offensive as his girlfriend wears them and he took personal offense to it.  Now, I am going to tell you that this was the harshest email and it was the only negative email I did respond to.  The rest of them were all generic ‘I can’t believe you would say that.’ type of emails.  It felt like I was being chastised by my parents!  To which I will say now:-

GET A SENSE OF HUMOUR, FUCKHEAD!

So my response to this chump who must think he is the man just because he is probably a 17 year old and has a girlfriend and is probably untouchable at school but, is yet to realise that there are people out there, like my good self, that can fuck him up six way from Sunday and still have the energy to knock 14 shades of shit out of him the next day….went a little something like this –

“Hello,

Thank you for taking the time out of your somewhat pathetic life to send me the biggest load of bullshit I have ever read.  I will first start by saying – I am not your father so I do not suck hard cock.  Though, by the sounds of it, it must run in your family, you cock sucking shit bag.   

From your email I can tell you are either a 17 year old asshole who is just about to finish school and thinks he is the man, and let me tell you, you are not(!) or you are a man with the most feeble IQ levels imaginable.  You are probably the type of person who watches Deal or No deal and actually gets a general feeling of acquaintance from the contestants as you can’t make real friends of your own.  Your insecurities are further emphasised at the constant mention of your tragic sounding girlfriend.  Ok, you have a girlfriend, fucking well done!  Just because she wears Ugg boots does not mean I am not entitled to my opinions that Ugg boots are shit.  The very fact that you took offense to the mention of Ugg boots are the most abhorrent items of footwear ever created in history makes you the biggest pussy I have ever had the displeasure of communicating with. 

You need to grow a pair of balls, mate.  But for now, you can suck on mine. 

Much love,

Jackson L.”

I believe I have firmly put him in his place which is nothing short of what he deserves.  When I first started this blog, I knew that there were going to be people who will not agree with my methods of expression and my points of view and I still appreciate all those who take the time to say that (politely) but to come out and try and have a go at me?  I will not stand for that and I will take you down.  Cunt!

On a brighter note, I had a good time when I was back in X.  It was weird though, usually I would be very excited – even on the journey there – but I was actually only excited as it was my first time travelling 1^st class on the train….or any medium of transport ever for that matter. 

Before you think ‘pretentious bastard’, which I am, the reason as to why a 1^st class ticket was acquired was because, somehow a 1^st class ticket was £17 CHEAPER than a standard.  I guess I got lucky due to supply and demand.  Y’all smart people, you figure it out!  It felt right stepping on in my Harris Tweed.

Anyway, this came with a 4 course breakfast which I thought was KOOL!  It started with cereal, then cheese and crackers followed by smoked salmon and scrambled eggs and finally a full English breakfast!  Throughout the journey there were tea and coffee and juices constantly being given.  My cup and glass was never empty.  If your get the chance ALWAYS travel 1^st class.  It is the best way. 

I guess when I got there I was not really feeling anything because I was so tired and it was the first train out of London – 5.39 AM.  I was going to sleep on the train but this dude kept talking to me.  He was a nice guy but I don’t think he got the hints – one word answers, avoiding eye contact – so I just thought, ‘fuck it!’ And spoke to him for the remainder of the journey. 

After spending time with my parents and Brian Fox and, having survived on less than an hours sleep that day I decided to call it a night.  I woke up the next day feeling fresh and good about waking up in MY bed and suddenly I got the feeling of “I’m excited to be here and can’t wait to catch up with everyone!” I was looking for.  Unfortunately it was a brief stay in X but, I saw most of the people I usually go up to see, most important Mr Fox.  My thanks go to him as he is in the midst of his exam diet and yet still made time for me.  We did our usual of just hanging out.  Typically we watch shitty movies on the Horror channel or the Sci-fi channel.  We watched the Titanic 2….to say it was shit would be a catastrophic understatement.  Though, I thoroughly enjoyed it as hilarity ensued.

As I returned to London, I was once again left feeling somber thinking of all those who I am not going to see for sometime but, with a glimmer of happiness as soon Brian will make his debut in London with me!  Oh yeah, its gonna be sweet!

I also did not realise the hysteria surrounding the royal wedding that had amassed since my leave.  Some people have been camping out already to get a good view of the wedding. 

I want to go up to these people and throw up on them just to let them know that is what I think of them. 

Much love,

Jackson L.