How rude!

More and more my faith in humanity is tested day by day.  I find myself getting ever more irate at people’s increasing stupidity, lack of courtesy, lack of decorum and general existence. 

Today I went to the post office to pick up a parcel which I had the misfortune of missing due to life getting in the way.  Regrettably I was given the opportunity to witness the bullshit humans are capable of.  As I was leaving the post office a little old lady on a Zimmer-frame had the door slammed shut in her face.  I felt like the worst person alive and it was not even me who slammed the door shut.  In shock I told her that I would open the door for her and she was nothing but grateful for my most simple deed.  She was a decrepit, feeble lady who could barely walk at snail’s pace and was having trouble balancing on her frame let alone struggle to open a door as well. 

As I left the post office – I had decided to walk and enjoy the incredible weather we are having – I began thinking more about the utter shit that people are actually capable of doing without remorse.  Around a week ago, I am not sure at what point during the day, it may have been during work, while I was at home when I was on the underground, at some point my car was parked and some total fuckhead who just does not know how to drive hit my car.  Said fuckhead scratched the shit out of the front right hand side of it….and drove off.  Said fuckhead did NOT leave a note on my windscreen to explain his complete and utter dicketry!  What. A. CUNT!

While at work this week, I had to tackle some people who came in from a competitor store to basically scope the place out.  You can always spot them a million miles away as they begin asking certain questions.  As soon as you explain that you are not at liberty to divulge such information they begin their assault.  Their particular angle was, even thought they are far more expensive than our competitive prices, was during our busy spells audibly bark our prices are too high and that you would get more bang for your buck elsewhere. 

I responded, even more audibly:

“Can you please not say this in front of our customers?  We are actually much more reasonably priced than other stores.  Have you no class?!”

Don’t even get me started on the amount of times I have been on public transport only to witness the elderly board a busy train or a pregnant lady get on a crowded bus for only no one to offer their seat to these people. 

Honestly, is this what we have come to?! 

Manners cost nothing. 

I think certain people need to be taught a lesson in a little thing called ETTIQUETTE!!!

Thankfully, I pride myself on my restraint.  I am a firm believer in self-control and I like to avoid confrontation as much as I can but I will not avoid it at all costs.  Sometimes to confront someone is the only way to get people to understand where you are coming from. 

I leave you with an anecdote.  A friend of mine parked his car in a parking bay with only a ten pound note and no change to buy a ticket from the machine.  He went into a newsagent to break the tenner to get change for the machine.  As he bought his ticket and walked back to the car with his ticket in hand, a traffic warden had already written out a ticket and placed it onto his car. 

My friend explained that he had to get change as the machines did not take notes to which the traffic warden responds (like a first class asshole would)

“That’s not my problem!”

My friend, without hesitation, punched him in the face.  The traffic warden fell to the ground.  He picked up the ticket and saw that it was administered 3 minutes AFTER he had purchased his pay and display ticket which means it could have easily been resolved with the city council. 

My friend was fined and had to serve hours in community service. 

No good can come of violence. 

Much love,

Jackson L.  

World flags

I forgot to mention, I stumbled upon this book in a rare books faire I attended in the West end recently as I am the most cultural muhfucka in this hemisphere, and I saw this:

I picked it up and looked through all the countries that had rich, somewhat recent history.  I was surprised to see that the flag of Germany was indeed the Nazi flag and the Japanese flag was the flag of the rising sun.  The American flag had only 48 stars as well.  I found this little children’s book – valued at a mere 50 pounds(!) so historically significant!  It was quite amazing as it is not really something we would consider. 

Much love,

Jackson L.

Nobody likes a snitch.

I am slowly beginning to resent my place of work thanks to a narcissistic, small, annoying, body-of-an-8-year-old-boy, douchebag!  There are several reasons as to why I think she is nothing but a pathetic, insolent, flat nosed bastard.  I rose above the inter-personal questions about my sex life (after having only known her for literally four and a half hours….give or take 3 minutes!), her shitty insecurities; letting me know all those who find her attractive, how her ex-boyfriend was ‘devastated’ when she dumped him and also how her current boyfriend’s friend asked for a threesome which prompted me to ask:

“Why are you telling me this?”

To which she simply sniggered.  I didn’t even let her condescending tendencies scathe me as I just got on with my job – I’m there to get paid and then just get the fuck out – no socialising because the calibre of all (bar two) the people I work with are just cancerous.  People get cancer from merely their presence! – so I just let it go. 

The constant grammatical incorrectness I am constantly subjected to is just painful.  I know I am not perfect but, fucking hell!  Learn your singulars and your plurals.  English is a simple language which is why it is just beautiful.  God!!!  In addition to all this, her boyfriend always comes in whenever she is working and even observing the catastrophic mismatch leaves me bewildered as to where and how there is any veneer of attraction whatsoever!  I just like to pretend it is some sort of shitty façade they have as I refuse to believe they are or ever have been attracted to one another.  It; in a weird, twisted way, reinstalls my faith in humanity albeit a slither of faith and hope. 

I began to lose my tolerance with this undersized, petulant bag of testicles when she began to bitch to me about one of those whom I actually like.  I did not like hearing what she had to say so I told her that I think she is being extremely immature, juvenile and that she should discuss her problems with said person rather than enact some sort of school playground play and be a little bitch about it.  She did not take too well to my good advice. 

Several weeks later, she decides to become a snitch.  I am constantly going in and out of the managers’ office because, the new guy who she has taken a strong dislike to, is working with me to learn how to keep everything in working order because I am an awesome teacher.  This vertically challenged asshole is snitching on everything.  This is a piss take as even things that were most definitely not our fault are now blamed on us.  No one likes a snitch, bitch!!  This is why I have taken it upon myself to wind her up at every given opportunity.  She recently got a shitty tattoo on her lower back – a tramp stamp – which has a very generic floral design with the word ‘love’ embedded within.  I have asked her the reasoning behind this tattoo to which she gave an excruciating response to:

“Everyone should have love in their life.”

I took the liberty of further questioning her motives as I know a little bit of her history.  I asked:

“Did you get that tattoo as you perhaps felt you needed reminders of the need for love in one’s life as maybe you feel your parents show a lack of love for you because they kicked you out?”

The look of sheer shock was utter jubilation to me.  Once again she got very defensive and began giving me a lot of shit which I was not really paying attention to.  The one aspect of her usual (shit) chat I registered was how she has come so far in her young life and how she is in the London School of Economics.  To which I responded with:

“You’re in the LSE?  They must let anyone in these days.”

Her jaw.  The floor.  Connection.   Fantastic!

FYI, she failed her final year.  Just saying. 

I have now resorted to telling her whenever she has bogies in her nose – she is shorter than me…..you are probably wondering how I can see up her nose?  Well, it is very flat.  She is getting moderately self-conscious about it which is just great. 

The last hilarious episode we were involved in was around the managers.  I am reasonably tight with one of the managers.  I overheard a conversation between the managers and this accomplished wanker and I heard her ask:

“How long have you guys been together?”

(The managers are married)

“Before we were married, for 7 years – engaged for 2 years”

“Wow!  It is hard to stay together that long….”

To which I interjected and said – without a moment’s hesitation:

“…..only if you are a slut.”

BOOM!

Managers fell about the place laughing as I had my back to them carrying on with my work having said what I said, cool as a cucumber. 

The small pathetic excuse for a human being went off on one once again, questioning what I was implying and really soured the mood.  One of the managers asked her to calm herself down and tried to explain that I was only joking (even though I was not).  I then threw petrol in the fire by saying:

“Well, every joke is laced with elements of truth but, let’s ignore …........’s little outburst which has soured the mood…and potentially ruined the evening for everyone.”

I can be such a tremendous fucking cunt.  It’s great.  I have also proven my status as a reliable, valued member of staff now as the ideas keep pouring out of me.  I came up with a great one the other day which the managers are working on administering as soon as possible…..(as my good friend T’s legendary dad would say) “AH-THANK-YOHH!”

I am still to advise on other ideas for the coming winter months because I am a legend and most definitely thee greatest person at my place of work – no questions asked.  I am even entrusted with the keys to the place now, that’s whassup!!!

Elsewhere in my weird, bizarre and fairly lamentable life which seems to get more and more depressing the more I go to work, I have taken solace in watching more rugby world cup matches. 

New Zealand played the French in what was dubbed to be ‘the most exciting game of the world cup yet’.  It did not disappoint.  The best of the two hemispheres confronted each other as they so often do in the RWC and this time – for the All Blacks it was a grudge match.  In 2007 the French hosts got lucky to knock out the all Blacks (a forward pass leading to a try) gave them a 2 point lead (with the conversion kicked).  Yet another 4 years of hurt.  Allegedly all the NZ fans agonisingly groaned when they realized the French were in their pool.  The French are known as New Zealand’s bogey team – only at the world cup – as they have a history of defeating the All blacks when it mattered. 

Nothing was going to stop the All Blacks, on Richie McCaw’s historic 100^th test match in an All Black jersey, from sealing a win against their French counterparts.  What ensued for the next 80 minutes was sheer rugby beauty, eloquence and a master class at it’s most extreme.  If you have not watched the game yet I strongly recommend it!  It should be an advert for rugby. 

You can see the highlights here. 

Thanks for reading.

Much love,

Jackson L.

update....

Well I have not much to say of late.  I seem to be falling back into some sort of relatively normal semblance of routine again which took a while (following Ramadan).  I now just seem to be going to uni, the gym and work.  

I am prayer my tenure at university is coming to an end as I am getting really bored with it now.  There is not much for me to do at the moment and I can’t keep more atop of things even if I try.  And I have tried!  I am still, much to my anguish, still in the recruitment phase of my research.  It is also, unfortunately, well out of my control as I am offering people – with good incentive too – the chance to be screened and I have managed to get a decent number so far but it is not good enough at the moment for a research title.  Honestly, if you get offered something free of charge, why would you NOT take it?!  GOD!!! 

The gym has been pretty good recently.  Strength is on the up and customers at work have been complimenting me.  I am a jacked muhfucka!  One thing that has been pissing me off royally at the gym is the fact that several children – aged 13 to 16 years as well as adults who pretend to be serious about the gym incessantly talk shit to me!  I have not yet reached my targets to allow me to work on individual muscle groups and also my commitments elsewhere only give me time to go to the gym 4 or 5 times a week.  This means I must do full body workouts and cardio every time I go which means I need at least 3 hours to get through my stuff!  LEAVE ME A-FUCKING-LONE!!!  

Apart for that, I am a total boss in the gym.  Children look up to me and everyone else wishes they were me.  Even the women.  

Work has been good as well.  I have finally developed some strong bonds with some of my workmates – namely a French dude which has started to work there.  He is very French but very kool at the same time.  I know what you are thinking – ‘paradox!!!’  But seriously, he is a top guy.  In addition, a new girl has started who is a graduate from Oxford uni.  She is a real smart cookie with the most beautifully eloquent, posh English accent.  Neither of these people’s personalities offend me and I am able to hold more than just a moderately pleasing, food for thought type, conversation with both of them.  The girl in particular.  The Frenchman and I talk about everything from girls to games to sport.  Real guy stuff!  The girl is exceedingly able to have a deeply intellectual chat about virtually anything.  Thankfully, I can now call these people my work colleagues/comrades as I was losing my mind and silently resenting going to work as everyone else had the most inoffensive, boring, lacking in justified (if any) opinion, shit chat ever!

Things are looking up for the JLQ. 

I found out that my new life idol – Sonny Bill Williams (All Black) is a fellow Muslim.  He decided to convert in 2008 as he was displeased with the direction his life was taking.  I read a lot about his profile and some of the reasons he chose this faith and it was inspiring.  Well done him and I wish him all the best.  Might I add, he is the only person Muslim to ever wear an all Black jersey and to ever play international rugby while pursuing a professional boxing career.  He is awesome.  

In other news, I had a little laugh when reading the metro, as I do every morning, as I found that some retard was using her friend’s facebook pictures to seek revenge because her boyfriend dumped her.  She was using picture’s of her friend’s baby saying that she it was his child.  Sick, twisted bitch.  Of course the powers that be at facebook had nothing to say as they are a bunch of disgraceful wankers.  I am so glad I am without facebook.  Nearly six months to the good!  Yeah.  

Much love,

Jackson L.

If New Zealand don't win....

If New Zealand do not win the Rugby World Cup this year I might actually eat my own penis.  The other day they played against a Japanese team that took France to the wire up until the last 10 minutes before France scored 3 tries in quick succession giving them a much more flattering scoreline and New Zealnd - having put the likes of Richie McCaw and Dan Carter to rest as well as Sonny Bill Williams on the bench - still came out 83-7 to the good.  Tries were coming thick as fast for the All Blacks.  13 tries and 11 different scorers.  That is fucking insane! 

This is truly life and death for New Zealand.  for New Zealand not winning the World Cup this year would be like Brazil having only won the Football world cup once and never again and still have the same strong squads with the pedigree for world domination.  Come on All Blacks!  You have been ranked the no.1 team for the last 4 years - do yourselves justice and fit the tag!  Your nation are depending on you.  It is an obesession.  You MUST win.

"I die, I die. I live, I live."  It is a matter of life and death. 

Much ove,

Jackson L.

Being 23

Last week saw the 23rd anniversary of the escape from my mother's amniotic Bastille.  I punished my mother before I eventually popped out....only 36 hours later!  Good things come to those who wait.

Anyway, I spent an entire week basking in the greatness of the 23rd year of my life.  Everyone was being so kool about it but, for a long time I had not really given a shit about coming a day and a year closer to my inevitable demise.  I still don't and I have a very

"Put the presents over there and get the fuck out my face!" 


approach to birthdays.  I do like it when people I hold near and dear remember my birthday and send me a text or call me to wish me well.  After all, their lives would be so much more lacklustre without my musings on everything and I suppose one should at least acknowledge the day the world changed forever all those years ago.

One person who truly out done herself this year was my sister - not only did she get me some awesome presents and spend an absolute fortune on spoiling me - she also surprised me totally by throwing me a birthday dinner which I genuinely thought 1 of my close friends in London would have attended.  The turn out was much greater than I thought.  We went to a restaurant in Bayswater called Sadaf which I recently fell in love with.  It may be due to the fact that it sounds rather similar to my teen idol and life hero Saddam (Hussein) and the food is Persian.  Well, Iranian!  Let's cut the bollocks!  Persia no longer exists!

SIDE NOTE: If you happen to be from Iran, please do not refer to yourself as 'Persian' otherwise I will instantly dislike you and I will make it my life goal to ensure you will be engulfed in nothing but bullshit all the time.  Literally and figuratively.  Persia is no longer a country or an empire and you do not share borders with Syria, Mesopotamia and Thrace!  Pricks.

So, Iranian food which I thoroughly enjoyed.  I, of course, arrived beyond fashionably late and everyone had the misfortune of awaiting my arrival as it was I who was the guest of honour.  Yes!!!  It was requested of me to arrive at the restaurant at around 6.30pm (no later than 7pm).  I arrived back home from university just after the 18th hour of the day having neither shaved nor showered.  I also had a bit of a wardrobe catastrophe which I eventually rectified soon after my quick shower and I was off into the peak rush hour of the A40 in north London.  Fun times.  I arrived at nearly a quarter to 8.  This is what I like to call bad-ass lateness.  Stronger by Kanye West comes to mind - *YOU SHOULD BE HONOURED BY MY LATENESS!*

This was a very enjoyable night which my sister put together behind the scenes, completely unbeknownst to me and everyone put in huge effort to come out as they all had prior engagements.

This was indeed my second celebration of my birthday.  It was the evening all of my friends were able to come for.  On my actual birthday (last Monday) my sister took me out to a very chic, modern and yet very simple restaurant called meat and wine.  The food matched it's rustic decor and it's menu was very niche.  People who like good meat and good wine will dine here.  End of.

All in all a great week with some great presents too.  My parents sent me down a tablet (yeah, fuck you apple Ipad with your pretence and all your other bullshit!) a Samsung Galaxy tablet to be more precise and it is a nifty looking piece of kit.  Unfortunately I am unable to play with it at the moment because of the stupid retards at the delivery agency.  They opened up a sealed box containing my gift and, due to high terrorist activity these days, the lovely people at the company who send out various different electronics tell their customers to report anything such as this.  Ironic - at the airport they check all through my bag and tell me that it's 'random'.

I am missing out on playing with this thing!


I was only joking about the Saddam comment.  What a shithead he was.

Much love,

Jackson L.

Iphone 5 release date?, Nintendo, RWC and a bit of footy too!

Well I was watching some former team mates play a very VERY frustrating game of Rugby this morning.  I received an email from one of them from down under which I thought was pretty kool.  Well, a win is a win for the ol’ Scots but, they will really have to step up in 11 days against Los Pumas.  That is a crucial game which could ensure their qualification – 2^nd or 1^st in the group depending on this result and how England fair in their coming games.  It is two from two so for now, job done for them at least.   It says a lot however, that this was the first game of the RWC this year without a try scored however, some great passages of play from both teams.  Samoa looked very physical and played some excellent Rugby to cruise to a 49-12 win over Namibia.  Canada edged past Tonga in a bruising but thrilling 25-20 encounter.  That was a good game. 

Milan managed to salvage a point from the Camp Nou last night with a 2-2 draw.  A late equaliser in injury time (DRAMA!!!) saw the Rossoneri snatch a point from the jaws of defeat.  This was without some of their key players – like Ibrahimovic.  Well done them.  Arsenal, as per usual, choked and they shared the points with their German counterparts.  I say ‘counterparts’ but Dortmund can actually win things like the Bundasliga.  I suppose a good point to take away for the gunners.  Chelsea managed a 2-0 win over Bayern Leverkusen.  Stamford Bridge welcomed back Michael Ballack.  Luiz and Mata put the goals in with Sturridge playing very well…..Gonna step up Torres?! 

Anyway, I love Nintendo.  I can’t put up any pictures as I am being closely scrutinised at the moment by my peers so check out this link.  I love you Ninty!

I have just read that the Iphone 5 will be out on the 21^st of October (according to most reliable sources).  This will be the 5^th iteration since it’s inception.  I am getting a little bored of waiting and skeptical of all these rumours.  Just hurry up and get it out Apple.  Get on with it! 

Apple are thinking they can sell up to 25 million units within the next year.  This is a surprisingly low estimation in my humble opinion.  I just hope it is not going to be like the Nintendo Wii – ie I won’t get one for months after it comes out due to high demand and low number of units!  After all this time waiting for it – the phone better run smoothly AND everyone who has been awaiting it’s arrival better get one!  

Much love, 

Jackson L.

Rugby World Cup sponsored by Apple inc. IN MY MIND!!!

The Rugby World Cup kicked off on Friday 9^th of September and so far it has been good.  I have expected all the bigger teams to have had more flattering score lines so far but, this indicates the quality of rugby has improved greatly in countries that do not traditionally play rugby.  I like that it is becoming more competitive. 

New Zealand got us underway with a convincing 41-10 win over Tonga – but the New Zealand public (and I) expected a greater margin.  The first half was a fantastic display of excellent rugby from the All Blacks but, the second half just gritty and boring. 

England and Scotland both had scares in their ‘group of death’ matches (group of death as 2 of 3 teams can potentially qualify).  These games were both crucial for each team as they both sought that elusive four try bonus point to ensure maximal points from each game.  Scotland managed to get it with 2 tries in the last ten minutes which meant that Scotland beat Romania by 10 points (conversions were missed).  Unbelievable from Scotland as they were playing so well in the first 20 minutes – shit in the rest of the game up until the last 10…..get it together, eh? 

England did not gain a bonus point from their opening game in this world cup.  They managed to fight back from being 9-3 down to win 13-9.  Bringing on Ben Youngs in the last 15 minutes proved to be the difference.  Jonny Wilkinson rather uncharacteristically missed 5 kicks – 4 in a row!

In other games Fiji looked formidable with a great win over Namibia.  They have one hell of a chance this year as they performed so very well against Wales in the last year.  It could mean this will be the furthest they have progressed in the world cup ever but, it will be extremely difficult for them. 

South Africa were very, VERY lucky to defend their world champions title with a win against Wales.  A 17-16 win for the Springboks puts them in a very smooth road to qualification as the rest of the games will be very physical and up front which suits them.  They do not like being attacked out wide.  Wales were extremely unfortunate as a penalty deemed to have been missed was actually well and truly scored as video replays suggest. 

Australia had a shaky start against a strong Italian team who were level 6-6 at the break.  Unfortunately for all the locals and all the Italians – the Wallabies’ attacking prowess got the better of the Italians and the game ended 32-6 in favour of the Aussies. 

Ireland managed to overcome an emotional US Eagles team (who played on the 10^th anniversary of 9/11) 22-10.  Not convincing at all from Ireland and I always feel that Ireland peak at the wrong time.  One of the greatest Northern Hemisphere teams on their day and I feel they deserve more. 

Finally, the French were being very French.  An extremely unpredictable team who on their day can easily be world beaters and their team are not even the best that France has had in the past.  So much flare and class.  They have provided such an entertaining brand of rugby in the rich tapestry of international rugby.  However, it was just ‘one of those days’ for the French.  Playing against Japan the French left it late to provide the gratifying score line they crave so much.  At one point it was 25-21 to the French after Japan had clawed their way back from a 25-0 deficit.  The French put 3 tries past the Japanese to give them a final score of 47-21.  Nearly another scare for a big name in world rugby. 

In addition to the excitement of the Rugby World Cup – we have the Champions league starting up again this evening with Man U taking on Benfica and the Might Barca take on AC Milan. 

I am so glad sport is back! 

I spoke to my good friend T yesterday and we have both concluded we hate apple but we want all their things. 

I hate it but I love it as well.  I desperately want the Iphone 5.  I even refuse to have an Ipod on the premise of getting an Iphone 5.  Fuck you Apple!  Hurry up and release it!!!

We don’t really know why it is as we both know we will not use an Ipad all that much if we had it but, we just want it.  T did say it is down to the marketing of their products.  I have to agree.  They are definitely not the best products in their field but they still somehow seem so much more exclusive.  I don’t get it though because EVERYBODY has an apple product. 

I had a little anecdote about why I can’t stand most of the apple customers.  It is simply because they are such douchebags.  I saw some total knob the other day take a photograph using his Ipad….he had kitted his Ipad out as well so it had the cover so he can protect it (which is fair enough) and it had one of those little lights attached so that he can read it in the dark (wanker!).  His cover was made by Ed Hardy (Wanker!!)  which only made it much more difficult for him to use his Ipad for photography purposes.  The photograph he took was of an approaching tube train while I was on the underground (WANKER!!!).  A three-fold wanker.  That is the worst type of wanker.  After calling someone a wanker thrice you must resort to something much more offensive or just plain murder them.  

Imagine taking a picture of the above.  Honestly.   This is exactly how it will appear....shit. 

Anyway, so this pathetic excuse for human existence was making a total asshole of himself in front of everyone trying to get onto the train while he took his photo.  It was clear to me that everyone who had ever loved this dude loved him sarcastically.  In addition to this it was evident that even both Israel and Palestine would both agree that he is a total dick and a douche but more of a dick than a douche.  If you were a piece of livestock even Morrissey would kill and eat you, you fucking faggot!  You should kill yourself. 

I would still like an Ipad thought.  I would barely use it but I would like one. 

Much love,

Jackson L.

Kanye West and Back to the Future kicks and the awesome 90s

Everything Nike are doing just now I desperately want.  I wish Britain was not as shit as it is and would hurry up and release the latest awesome stuff that will cause me to throw money (even though I am severely lacking in)  in Nike's pockets.  Nike are set to release some really kool, retro and just different sneaks.  Check it!!

First of all - we have the Nike AirYeezy II.  You only need to look at them and think "These will be mine....oh yes!  These will be mine."  Much like Mike Myers says in Wayne's World about the guitar.  What a great fim....

Here are some pics of the Air Yeezy II sneaks.  I will drop some stacks like they hot niggaz!!

Even in it's most bland colour it looks awesome.  

I like them in Red too.  These look sweet!

My favourites so far.  These are just class.  They just look so comfortable. 

T and I were talking about Kanye West the other day.  He is just the greatest at everything.  There is nothing that Kanye West is not better than you or me at and that, my friends, is fact. 

As I was talking about Wayne's World - a early nineties film - it reminds me of other awesome films.  The Back to the Future trilogy comes to mind.  One of the very few trilogies that has stood the test of time (irony!) and still a film loved and regularly quoted by people young and old.  And guess what?!  The heroes at Nike have announced a 'self lacing' pair of sneakers which are apparently being showcased in the USA tomorrow!  Unbelieveable!  I remember being a 5 year old and seeing those trainers in Back to the Future II when Marty McFly puts them on and thinking "WOOOOAAAAHHHH!"  I am so glad I get to clutch on a tiny piece of my childhood through the medium of footwear.  Hey, I'll take it!  Just get me a pair.  Who ever buys me these : 

"This is heavy."

It's the patent! "Great Scot!"

It's happening, baby!!!

Will never be made fun of by me ever again.  Even as a joke.  Chances are I'll be buy myself them.  I will never make fun of myself ever again.  

I oten sit and think about how terrible the last decade - 'the noughties' - were.  I just felt that the whole of the last ten years - which unfortunately included my formative years - were just year after year of unidentified load of shite ever.  We just tried to copy all the other decades which had passed.  We had no identity.  Nothing particularly defining of the last decade, except perhaps the shutter shades.  Thank you Yeezy! 

 

We had no real sense of new fashion unless you are one of those douchebags that try to be like Lady Gaga.  Meat is to be eaten!!! Not Worn!  "Hey, I'll dress as a burger....sellotape some lettuce on me."  Dumbdadumbdumbdumb (South Park Ref!).

Unlike the last decade, the 1990s were just awesome.  There were so many different movements in that decade, so many different forms of self expression - much to do with the direction music was taking - and it was just so incredible to see everyone taking such a badass attitude towards everything.  

It was like: 

• My hair is greasy
• My clothes are ripped
• I have spots all over my face
• I pretty much look like shit

and the answer to all these were simply "I just don't care.".

It was a great time for me growing up as I felt I witnessed so many different things.  TV was much better, films were much better and the music was just incredible.  2Pac and Biggie were still rockin' he charts as were Metallica, Iron Maiden, Oasis, Blur, The Fugees, Radiohead, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Alice In Chains, Jamiroquai and so many more!  All these bands and artists brought cultural diversity which in turn reflected people's character.  For example, if you were grunge and listened to Nirvana, chances are you would have longer hair, a flannel shirt and ripped jeans. 

Oasis and Blur were the sole reasons why Britpop became such a global phenomenon.  2Pac and Biggie changed the face of the hip hop and rap proficiency forever.  Radiohead were the only indie band that were able to pull off being indie and not wankers.  Most of the people who are indie nowadays - Coldplay, Mumford and Sons - would be looked at once and considered to be total fucking wankers in my local pub. 

The 1990s had everything.  I hope this decade will have much more to offer than the last decade but I can never see a decade surpassing the 1990s.  I wish my formative years were then.  I would have appreciated it so much more.

Much love,

Jackson L.

Invictus

I know this may be a cliche but the poem 'Invictus' by William Ernest Henely is one of the most inspiring poems ever.  Especially when it is read by Morgan Freeman in the film 'Invictus' directed by Clint Eastwood.

Nelson Mandella would actually refer to this poem when he was in prison.  He came out to unify South Africa after decades of Apatheid regime left it crippled.  He is hailed as one of the greatest world leaders in modern history if not thee greatest.

Invictus
by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

So deep.  So moving.  Powerful and poignant and I too often refer to it too.  

In reference to this movie - based on the occasion of the Rugby World Cup - we have only 2 days before the beginning of 2011 Rugby world Cup in New Zealand.  The first game is going to be shown at 8.30AM on ITV - New Zealand versus Tonga.  Both teams perform a pre-match war-dance  known as a Haka.  Expect fireworks!!!

Much love, 

Jackson L. 

Communication

The last week or so I have had my parents come by to visit me in London which was good.  It was nice to have them over and it was good to see them again but, right from the get go, it was soured.  It was due to no fault of my own but more due to other members of the family.  From what I do understand, which is very little, I think it is all down to major breakdown in communications! 

I hate more than anything being, or even seeing a situation where someone is, the middle man!  I always find things get lost in transit.  Things always get left out and then everyone gets pissed off at me.  Well fuck off! 

I have been trying so hard to stress the importance of communication.  It is the basic building block of every relationship –

• Child to parent
• Husband to wife
• Brother to sister
• To you business partner
• Your friends

And so many more!  The thing is though, you need make sure you talk to different people differently, for example, I wouldn’t dare speak to my parents the way I would speak to my friends.  Take my father for example, he is an old school man with very disciplinarian views on everything.  He was conscripted to the army when he graduated from university in the 70s and served his country during one conflict as a military doctor.  If you say one thing out of line to him he will not hesitate to let you know that he is royally pissed off.  He is quite an intense man but, for those who really know him and know him well they all love him.

So with that said, I usually have to think long and hard about how to delicately approach my dad when I need to have a long talk with him, whereas with my mother I can speak freely.  I feel I have a good relationship with both my parents as I do communicate my standpoints and point of view regularly.  My opinions are not necessarily taken on board all the time but, of late in particular, they have been quick to turn to me for my thoughts and ideas.  It is so important to tell people your thoughts as it would be difficult for people to understand your point of view.  We are not mind readers!

Communication is so very important for everyone but, if anything else it’s always good to talk, to your nearest and dearest anyway.  There are very few people I am comfortable in the presence of with complete silence. 

Speaking of communicating; dad and I were having casual chat about world leaders as we were watching the latest news on Gaddafi (what a shithead).  Eventually I then mentioned Obama and said –

“I think Obama has saved himself millions of dollars next year”

“What do you mean?”

“American people think he is the most heroic person ever now.”

“What makes you say that?”

“He caught Bin Laden….”

“Oh, yes.  You are right, I think on that basis he may well get his second term.  He has accomplished nothing, really.” 

He actually genuinely has not accomplished anything.  But the thing about the tragic majority of Americans is that they think terror is over now!  You can probably hear the Americans from America still screaming “USA! USA! USA!” while they masturbate to the video of Bin Laden’s assassination.  Although he has achieved nothing but further fuck up America, Obama can literally address his nation in nothing but a pair of flip-flops, boxers, a bath robe with a stain of vomit on it – wielding a bottle of Black Label Johnny Walker saying

“My fellow motherfuckers, I caught Bin Laden……suck my big black stuff!”

 

And he will probably still get his re-election.  Depressing. 

He can change his election slogan from "YES WE CAN!" to "FUCK YOU ALL I CAUGHT HIM!!" 

and he will still get re-elected.  

I then said to dad –

“I’m glad they got that cunt!”

Yeah, I swear in front of my dad!  Grow up!!

“Me too.  He was such a bastard!”

He swears in front of me too. 

*Mum overhears*

“You should never rejoice over someone’s death!”

………I would like to challenge that.  I think death is horrific and I would never go out chanting the initials of my country outside the current country’s representative’s home but……

If Kerry Katona was on fire and Jedward were there to help put the flames out and their stupid hair caught alight and then Peaches Geldof came along to pick up Jedward and used them to pat out the flames and suddenly caught ablaze herself and the entire cast of loose women, Glee and My Name Is Earl also tried to help but consequently all fell off an 18 storey building to their death and upon crashing to the ground crushed Ashley Cole and his racist ex-wife Cheryl Cole…..I would laugh and carry on with my life.  It would be tres bizarre and that would be the only reason why I would laugh.  Honest. 

Much Love,

Jackson L.