Amy's Winehouse

After a terrible weekend last weekend which saw the loss of Amy Winehouse and the atrocities carried out by that neo-Nazi fuckhead, I am hoping for a better weekend this week.  

It is now nearly a week since Amy Winehouse has passed on.  I think everything was covered very tastefully (for once) by the media.  Her family was given the privacy they craved and having read about the service they had in memory of Amy Winehouse it sounded like a beautiful send off.  Oddly though, every time I see an image of her I find myself thinking "she should still be here." 

She is one of the very few famous Britons who have put Camden, the REAL London, on the map.  As a mark of respect I feel someone somewhere in Camden should open a pub called Amy's Winehouse.  It should have a classic 60s feel to it as well as this was her style and the jukebox will have her back catalogue and all of her influences. 

 In other news: Morrissey roayly pissed off hit own fans by conveying his moronic views on animal slaughter for meat saying

"We all live in a murderous world, as the events in Norway have shown, with 97 dead. Though that is nothing compared to what happens in McDonald's and Kentucky Fried Shit every day."

…..what a MONUMENTAL cunt. 

Imagine comparing those two?!  Don’t get me wrong – for vegans and vegetarians I can understand them having a problem with animal slaughter.  It is a massive ethical issue as all life has intrinsic value, however, I love meat.  Simply put, I can’t live without it.  It is in nature as well – it is called THE FOOD CHAIN.  We just so happen to be at the top of it.  If Morrissey was put in a park with a tiger, I’m sure if the tiger got hungry it would not hesitate with all these fucking ethical issues and do the world a favour a shred him up and rid us of his bullshit opinions!  He is a Vegan Nazi.  Stop being a pussy and have a slice of pastrami.  And while you’re at it keep your bullshit opinions and your total faggotry to yourself!  How dare you compare those two?  They are a world apart!  You also compared the killing of a stag to the killing of a baby?!  You need your fucking head checked you dumb fuck!  You are the pinnacle of dicketry and I want to throw a brick at you.  A brick made of rump steak…encased in spring lamb ribs!  Knob. 

Much love,

Jackson L.

Ashley Cole

I would love to speak to Ashley Cole one day.  I would say to him

“You get all this money for kicking a football, occasionally applying a forceful header or you may even use your hands for a throw in….is it really THAT difficult to not be such a wanker?” 

Much love,

Jackson L.

Health tips

Here are a bunch of little things people can do to help increase health and life expectancy:-

1. Positive initials in a name can help increase life expectancy as shown by research carried out in University of California.  People with initials which spell J.O.Y or W.O.W tend to live up to 4 and a half years longer on average.  Well done them.
2. Being a dick keeps your mind sharper.  Being witty and ridiculing others tend to keep your mind active by thinking of how to mock others.  This helps prevent the development of Alzheimer’s disease.  Ever noticed that total dicks seem to just keep coming back like a shit that doesn’t flush?
3. Smelling a green apple can help ease the feeling of claustrophobia.  In a tight space on the subway, elevator and that shitty small office, which is actually a dwarf’s wardrobe, they have you working in – can be relieved by sniffing a green apple according to Dr Alan Hirsch.
4. Use honey to help pains of burn and to disinfect minor wounds such as cuts.  Dab the cut with honey before covering it with a bandage. Believe it or not, honey has powerful antibacterial properties. A study in the Archives of Surgery found that honey is capable of destroying almost all strains of the most common wound-infecting bacteria.
5.  If you cut yourself and have black pepper handy…. sprinkle on the pepper and apply pressure. In no time, the bleeding will stop. Turns out, black pepper has analgesic, antibacterial, and antiseptic properties. And don't worry—it won't sting.

Much love,

Jackson L.

Ladies and gentlemen, my family.

I said I would fill you in on my troubles with my family.  Well, where do I begin? 

Firstly – I am constantly ignored.  I seem to, and all of my friends have also realised this, make very logical suggestions which constantly fall on deaf ears all the time but, whenever a suggestion is made to me I am happy to take this on board and most of the time run with it.  Anyway, with the intense sense I speak constantly I always seem to turn out correct.  It is actually quite painful to be continuously disregarded.  The last suggestion I made was to avoid a certain, hideous and hysterically shitty restaurant on Edgware road called Maroush Express…. Anyone who frequents Edgware road knows that – at best – this place is good only for a shawarma wrap and THAT IS IT!  I voiced my opinion on this shambolic restaurant before entering, saying we should really go elsewhere as this place is piss poor despite being incredibly busy, and I may as well have been conversing with a brick wall. 

Much to my grief we went in anyway. 

I begrudgingly made my order – a starter, a main with a side and a drink.  My starter came out bit by bit, then my side came out with my starter and the drink then came and it was all just a disaster.  We, well, not I, ended up telling the waitress to take food away to bring it back with our main….how embarrassing?!  I loathed(!) being at this restaurant.  However, on the upside, watching my mother and sister grimace at every forkful and strongly dislike the shocking service I was rather enjoying it….I guess that meal was made better because with every contortion of my sibling and mother – deep in the pits of my anguish, pain and self-loathing I was doing this:-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISkDEDkq2_E

*Just the dancing part.  Oprah Winfrey does not live deep in the pits of my anguish, pain and self-loathing.  It would be kool if she did though.*

After leaving with a massive smile on my face and constantly laughing during dinner due to my gay dancing inside – I questioned my mother as to why she just swallowed her pride and LISTENED to someone much younger and more awesome than her.  She began to explain that she only wanted to go in and let them know that she was unhappy about the service and hates the restaurant now but it was good before.  Now, this restaurant is in the middle of Edgware road – literally the most Arab place outside of the Middle East – and the man who owns this shitty restaurant has monopolised the whole of Edgware road.  He has restaurants on either side of the road every few steps.  Literally.  The restaurant branch we went to was the first restaurant he owned (and still does) which opened in 1981.  It has been thriving for 30 years.  So, I asked

“Do you really think they care that they have lost you as a customer?  If anything you just spent £60 to tell them that you dislike them….I could have done it for free for you.” 

To which she responded

“Of course they care!”

And then, I logically and calmly – seeing past all the retardedness of this entirely needless situation explained –

“This restaurant has been prosperous for the last 30 years.  They will not be losing sleep now that you won’t be coming once every few years.”

Silence.

Jackson Infinity billion – Family 0…maybe 2 or 3. 

That is one of many, MANY examples. 

Secondly, I have realised I am thee pinnacle of getting things done in the family.  I literally do everything and more when asked.  I get asked to do everything by everyone in the family which I don’t mind doing.  I like to think of myself as the glue that holds this dysfunctional family together.  I do so much behind the scenes that I don’t even think they realise the positive impact it has.  I make sure the logistics of everything is taken care of for everybody before shit gets moving.  I like to keep a tight ship and I get very aggravated when stuff doesn’t come together.  It’s the way I am wired….don’t get me wrong though, I am still quite laid back about a lot of things but, there are certain things, like travel arrangements or things that urgently need done I would be sure to get everyone on the right track.  I would be the dependable one with an apparent truck load of expendable time.  However, when it comes for me to need a favour from any of them it would seem I have to beg and plead. 

I recently acquired a job as I have let you know (previous post).  It is a great little job and the managers felt it more suitable for me to work night shifts for now (as do I because of my studying during the day).  It suits me during the week anyway.  The managers thought it was a good idea for me to work nights as there is a lot of heavy lifting involved after close time.  So, I finish at very anti-social hours and it is usually when all public transport – except the scummy bus, dubbed ‘Peasant Wagon’ – cease to carry passengers.  So, I asked for a favour from my sibling who I sacrifice at least an extra hour in bed for to drop her off to the nearest train station (a half hour walk away from our flat!) virtually every morning.  I may drop snidey comments every now and then….everyday…but, I still do it.  In order for equilibrium to be restored, one would suggest that it would be fair for my sibling to sacrifice an extra hour or so of sleep to come and pick me up?!  That ‘one’ is me!  She did it twice last week and I was so grateful.  It was a little too much after that though.  I let her know that I was extremely annoyed.  I felt bad for being this annoyed about this situation but, I felt it was the only way I can express how exceptionally annoyed I was at this.  It is beyond unfair. 

I actually had to take the bus home one night and I think it was literally the longest, lowest hour or so of my life.  In fairness, now my sister is leaving the car with me for the day.  I feel this is a bit of a cop out as it means she does not have to come and pick me up herself and I would feel much more comfortable knowing she took the car back home and got in safely.  I have found out that my managers live in Greenford and they drive home every night. 

Lastly and for me most importantly – I have come to realise that my parents really grind my gears by forever treating me like a child.  Whenever I ask them a question that may be a little taxing or requires deep thought for a good answer – sometimes life changing decisions they give me stupid instant responses like “God willing….” Or “I don’t know, it will be a little difficult.”  Well of course it’s fucking difficult!  It can change EVERYTHING!!!

As aforementioned, I do legitimately think that behind the scenes I am the one who is keeping the fire burning for this family.  I am one step away from being my parents’ parent.  All I need now is a massive salary.  I guess all the greatest people in history have been hugely under appreciated. 

Much love,

Jackson L. 

In recent weeks......

....I have learned everyone if a pathetic cunt who deserves none of my time whatsoever.  I seriously cannot believe the bullshit I am having to deal with from my own family.  I will be elaborating further very soon so keep tuned....or logged....or whatever it is you kids call it these days.  It is too long winded to get into just now.  I know, it is a layered load of shit that seems to be shovelled into my mouth!  Fucking cocks. 

Ok, well things are still on the up at the moment.  I have recently aquired a job.  Hopefully this will be one of two jobs which I will have for the next year or so.  Need to save the pennies for my plans as of October this year as I will take a hiatus from EVERYTHING.  It is a fun job and very easy which pays well amd the staff are all decent - at least the ones I have met so far.  I am made to look like a total hero virtually every night as it is in the hustle and bustle of London and speaking more than one language in front of my managers allows for me to steal any show that has ever been put on ever. 

This weekend has been a tremendously tragic weekend on a global scale.  The atrocities in Norway; a peaceful, beautiful country has observed its deadliest terrorist attack ever and the greatest number of shootings in moder history.  This was administered by some right-wing neo-nazi shit head who called western Europeans to arms against 'marxist and multiculturalist traitors' to make a stand against the likes of Islam and claim Christendom back to the indigenous Europeans.  What a backwards, narrow minded mother fucker.  How can one man show so much hate?  There are no courts in any land for men like Andres Behring Breivik. 

I must say that when I heard about the bomb blast I held my breath and thought - oh no, not again.  I thought Islam's name was going to be used in relation to some stupid 'Jihad' that some idiot with too much time and claims to be Muslim.  Even though it was not 'Muslims' (for once) I still did not breathe a sigh of relief.  My thoughts, prayers, deepest condolences and love go out to all those who witnessed the horrors, the families and friends who have lost loved ones and to everyone in Norway.  How can one man show so much hate when everyone else shows so much love? 

This weekend also marked the loss of Amy Winehouse.  I will be honest - I did not think she was the best, I was really not a fan but, it always saddens me to hear about the loss of life of anyone, in particular of someone so very young.  I never thought she was was a talent which was awfully naive of me as nowadays there are so many manufactured celebrities from the likes of stupid bullshit like X-faggtor and Britain's got 'talent'.  She was a genuine talent who made it on her own which in this day and age is extremely commendable.  I always thought she was very evocative - in the sense of her fashion, having lived in Camden (a haven for self expression) she still managed to carry a different look rather than try so hard to look and be different and end up looking like everyone else. 

What I vividly remember about Amy Winehouse which opened up new found respect - which I guess I never really had for her - was when she was being criticised for her hedonistic lifestyle - she responded with "I'm just a bird who likes to sing....".   If you had the media following your every fucking move, I think even the most sensible of people would become self-destructive if they are not already.  

I think the media are such fucking wankers too.  It's like Michael Jackson all over again.  "Wack Jacko is a paedophile....."  MJ gone and literally over night "MJ greatest thing to ever happen to music...sorely missed....". 

I hope, now in death Amy Winehouse can finally be left alone. 

I have ben reading T's blog.  I am glad to see it is flourishing.  If you want to read the most sensical, logically mapped out views on everything I would direct you to http://the-real-chat.blogspot.com/
Some really funny stuff too!

Keep up the good work, brah!

Much love,

Jackson L.

Ramadan

Ramadan is a month, in which Muslims, from all over the world observe fasting, as it is one of the pillars of Islam.  Ramadan is an exceptionally important month to Muslims as it is the hallowed month in which the Quran descended to Earth via the angel Gabriel. 

Fasting during other months will also make a persons' body accustomed to the physical and mental strain of fasting, during the entire month of Ramadan. However, one must understand that Ramadan is not all about fasting; this month is very much a way to thank God for all their blessings and it is a time where Muslims ask for forgiveness. As in Ramadan Muslims fast, they also perform different types of prayers like Nawafil, Tahajood and Taraweh prayers as well.  These allow for the Muslims to complete reciting the Quran and it is encouraged to pray these prayers in a group with an Imam leading the prayer. 

Reading the Quran is the best practice which is mentioned by prophet Mohammad (pbuh), which is available in different kinds of Hadith (practices of the Prophet (pbuh) himself).  Muslims all over the world give importance to reading the Quran and it has great rewards, while reading the Quran in the holy month of Ramadan, which brings a person closer to Allah.

Ensuring one does not lose their rationale is very important, especially during Ramadan. (...And do not speak ill of each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay ye would abhor it..But fear God: For God is Oft-Returning Most Merciful). Surat Al-Hujurat: Verse 12.  Fasting teaches us patience, as anger must be controlled and tempers must be restricted.  

Fasting in general has been used in medicine for medical reasons such as; weight management, for rest of the digestive tract and for lowering lipids. There are many adverse effects of total fasting, as well as so-called crash diets, but fasting in Ramadan differs from such diet plans because there is no malnutrition or inadequate calorie intake. The caloric intake of Muslims during Ramadan is slightly below the national requirement guidelines. In addition fasting in Ramadan is voluntarily observed and is not a prescribed imposition from physicians.  

During Ramadan lunch is omitted daily and we take an early breakfast and do not eat until dusk. Abstinence from water during this period is not detrimental to health, in fact, it causes concentration of all fluids within the body, producing slight dehydration. The body has its own water conservation mechanism and it has been shown that slight dehydration and water conservation, at least in plant life, improves their longevity.

Fasting during Ramadan would be an ideal recommendation for treatment of mild to moderate or stable non-insulin dependant diabetes, obesity and hypertension. In 1994 the first International Congress on "Health and Ramadan,"  entered 50 research papers from all over the world, from Muslim and non-Muslim researchers who have done extensive studies on the medical ethics of fasting. While improvement in many medical conditions was noted; however, in no way did fasting worsen any patients’ health or baseline medical condition.  Patients who suffer from medical illnesses such as; coronary artery disease, heart disease, kidney stones, cancer and even those who are too frail – such as the elderly are advised not to fast which in Islam is perfectly permissible. 

I always seem to look forward to the month of Ramadan.  No matter how grueling it can get – like last year – I always seem to have fond memories of the month of Ramadan.  I think it is because everybody seems to be so different during that month; more pious, more generous, more caring and there is a real sense of community.  Ramadan is upon us as it begins in the next few, very short, weeks.  I am going to strive to make it my very best one yet. 

Much love,

Jackson L. 

Who will step up?

After returning from my second music festival this summer where I saw Metallica for the third time, Anthrax and In Flames for the second time, Richard Cheese, Bill Bailey, Limp Bizkit, sum 41, Weezer, Diamondhead, Motorhead and many more – I realised I am already too old for this shit.  There were bands present at this festival that I had never heard of and it is only a matter of time before I will be going to Sonisphere – as I have now agreed to make it an annual pilgrimage – and not having a clue about ANY of the bands there.  I desperately want to get the materials of some new bands which I was introduced to or bands who have been around for sometime and, unfortunately, I have just not had the time to get into them such as; In Flames (the Swedish Disturbed, in my humble opinion), Black Stone Cherry and Avenged Sevenfold who were just fantastic live at Donnington. 

Anyway, I came to the sad conclusion while I was actually at Sonisphere that the heavy metal/rock ‘n’ roll bands which I know and love; Iron Maiden, Metallica, Motorhead, Anthrax, Korn, Alice Cooper and many more will not be around forever, especially since the likes of Lemmy Kilmister of Motorhead is pushing 70, Alice Cooper, 65 and Joey Balldonna is in his mid fifties!  There was a time where Maiden and Metallica were carrying the torch, the beacon, of heavy metal into the future and they very much so have kept that flame alive.  If anything they have caused a forest fire in terms of keeping that flame burning but, who will keep heavy metal going when these legendary rockers decide to call it a day or worse yet, when they are gone?  I do love other bands like System of a Down, Linkin Park and Disturbed but I cannot imagine them to even come close to the same status as Metallica or Iron Maiden.  Now, we have shitty band emerging like Bring me the Horizon with all these sad scene kid bell ends getting into them.  I would love to go up to just one of them and simply say:-

“Stop being a cunt.”

The thought had occurred to me because I was wondering around in the arena at the festival on Sunday afternoon awaiting the next band, Limp Bizkit (total blast from the past!), when I strolled into a small but incredible stall.  This stall was selling dvds, cds, 7 and 12 inch vinyl’s and some official programs from concerts of old.  The kind of concerts which are legendary, almost to biblical proportions.  The type you hear about and wonder how?  When?!  I saw one of Led Zepplin at Knebworth 1979.  I held the official program in my hands.  Sold for not even a solitary pound back then (priced at 90p) and now selling for £30 today.  I desperately wanted to purchase it.  I know it will be worth ever so much more in the not too distant future.  The concert itself is 18 years off of it’s 50 year anniversary.  It will be worth so much more than £30.  It is an absolute gem of a collector’s item.  Led Zepplin have been described as the most influential band of the 1970s and were considered even more influential than the Beatles.  In addition they have sold over 300 million albums worldwide acclaiming them as one of the most successful bands of all time along with Rolling Stone describing them as “the greatest band in music history”.   That program, even now, is worth way more than £30 and its value will only sky rocket more and more day by day. 

In addition to this, everyone at Sonisphere had to partake in a 2 minute silence for the death of Slipknot’s bassist Paul Gray who died of drug overdose in 2010.  He was only 38 years of age.  Everybody at the festival went completely quiet for the entire two minutes which was surreal.  It was eerily quiet.  However, this got be thinking, my heroes of music are still human after all and there will be a time that that will stop producing epic, soul liberating music and it is a very depressing thought. 

However, one must remember we can never touch music, music will always touch us and we should enjoy it when it is still being made by our champions.

Much love,

Jackson L. 

PEANUT BUTTER TIME!!!

For those of you who love peanut butter, I present to you my recipe for Peanut Butter Squares.  It is highly fattening and highly awesome.  They taste like what an orgy in your mouth might taste like. 

First of all you need to get the peanut butter base which is very simple.  To add a bit of crunch to it I crush some biscuits first. 

1. Crush 15 digestive biscuits and place into a large bowl
2. Melt 250g of butter. 
3. While melting the butter, spoon peanut butter from a jar into the bowl over the crushed biscuits and then pour in the melted butter. 
4. Mix well. 
5. Following this – pour the peanut butter mixture into a square based plate and leave to set.  Be sure to lay some baking paper into the plate before pouring the peanut butter mixture. 

Once this is done, the chocolate topping needs to be made and this is also very simple. 

1. Melt 200g of chocolate in a saucepan.  
2. Once the chocolate has completely melted, add 4 generous teaspoons of peanut butter to add a twang of peanut butter flavour to the chocolate topping. 
3. Pour on top of the peanut butter base and then place into the fridge (preferably overnight) and leave to set. 
4. Cut into squares and enjoy.

I will be trying peanut butter cookies soon.

Much love,

Jackson L.

The Legend of Zelda

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time has been re-released on the Nintendo 3DS.  It has been advertised on TV and it really takes me back.  The advert itself shows many iconic scenes in the game and it also reminds you of the great soundtrack and the satisfying noises that you hear as a motif for accomplishing something within a level.  I remember this game so very vividly. 

The latest advert I have seen is with Robin Williams discussing his journey through the game and how he thoroughly enjoyed his experience of – in my opinion – the greatest game ever made.  He was so infatuated by the Zelda franchise that he has even named his daughter Zelda.  The man has only soared in my estimation of him.  A true hero to the Nintendo charter. 

This advert prompted a discussion between myself and Vivian as she thought it was “totally gay” of him to do such a thing and she feels that Zelda is a shit game.  Well, what could I say to that?!  It was truly shocking to hear someone lash out in such an aggressive manner.  It was completely unprovoked.  Vivian is a monster. 

I explained that she just did not understand the phenomenon that is Zelda and the fact that The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is thee most critically acclaimed game in the history of gaming.  It is hailed as one of the best games of all time and rightly so.  It was just a spectacular journey and a major feat in gaming.  The fact that people are completely obsessed with this game is perfectly understandable. 

I remember when I first placed the cartridge of the game into my N64.  I was so eager to start the game I did not even fill in my name, it was just a series of As so Navi – the annoying but very necessary navigator fairy – would call me AAAAAAA.  From the moment I began the game, through all the puzzles, the cut scenes, all the levels, through childhood, adulthood, defeating all the bosses, the side quests and everything else that was packed into this small, but life changing cartridge, I thought this was simply the greatest gaming experience ever.  The depth of all the characters like; the hero Link, the evil Ganadorf, Princess Zelda, Sheik, even the Deku Tree!  The storyline would put most novels to shame and the soundtrack is a masterpiece. 

When I finished the game and placed the controller down and watched the cut-scene for the end of the game when you finally faced up to and defeated Ganondorf and then Ganon, I became very emotional.  I could not believe that my journey had come to an end.  But what a tremendous end it was! 

I have yet to experience a game like this.  It was incredible.  It is the greatest game ever made.  It is a stunning success.  Even System of a Down wrote a song about it.  It's THAT good!

Much love,

Jackson L. 

Rebecca Black

I know it has now been several months since the diabolical song “Friday” by the forgotten and extremely hated Rebecca Black.  I believe she has had such a bum wrap.  if you ask me, she is a fucking maverick. 

When you listen to the song “Friday” you actually realise that Rebecca Black is the beacon of 21^st century poetry.  I will quote one of her lines:-

“7am, waking up in the morning.  Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs – Gotta have my bowl of ‘cereole’.”

…Usually shitty pop songs like the utter, utter, terrible stupid shit Jesse J writes and releases to torture the good people of the world, rhymes.  But not, Rebecca Black’s lyrics, oh no!  Fuck no!  This is because she is a badass thirteen year old chick who does not play by the rules.  This renegade will throw any words together to string pointless sentences together in singsong and she will release it on youtube.  She sees feathers, she will ruffle them. 

I bet she has cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner because this is how she rolls.

She went onto the bus that morning before her friends showed up and shat on the bus to fuck everyone over…..BADASS. 

I feel sorry for Rebecca Black.  She has received so much flak.  In fairness she has sang literally thee worst song in the history of music.  Literally.  But there are other dickheads out there who also make tragically shit music.  The kind of music that after 1 minute or so of listening to you start to hate yourself for being alive given to us by artists such as; Jesse J, Ke$ha, Cher Lloyd, Alexis Jordan, Cheryl Cole, Nicola Roberts (Beat of my Drum – Are you fucking serious?!), Chipmunk, Chris Brown, Pitbull (wanker), Bruno Mars, Rumer (Rimmer), Ne-yo, Jonas brothers and so many more.  But, I have a live and let live attitude to all this shite!  I have all the Iron Maiden albums….I just play my vastly superior music louder and the decibelage produced by my music dwarfs most, if not all other music.  Therefore, I feel I must make a stand for Rebecca Black.  It is a shame that she has been ridiculed for giving the world shit music when all these so-called ‘professional artists’ do the same.  So people, live and let live!

Much love,

Jackson L.