Junior Apprentice and road cyclists

The junior apprentice series has begun and I instantly hate every contestant on it.  What a shower of stupid, needlessly arrogant, condescending, narcissistic cunts. 

One of the contestants literally said:

“I got 8 A*s and 2 As in my GCSEs and I am not intimidated by anyone because I know I’m better than them.”

Well, I will go and get the biscuits.  Fucking cock.  What a sad sack of shite.  Imagine thinking you are invincible because of your academic background.  Honestly, what puts it in their minds that they are so awesome?  I remember getting 8 1s in my Standard Grades and after about 2 weeks no one gave a shit and I carried on with my life. 

I guess it is her insecurities creeping in with a statement like that.  Obviously, due to the shocking mess that are her tragic looks she is not being chased by any of the boys in her year, most definitely because she will crush them under her beluga-whale-like weight if there were to be any boys interested unless she hasn’t already scared them off with her face which has a strong resemblance this.  Obviously she needs something to make her feel good about herself and, like most other ugly people, she turns to making her academics second to none. 

This is the caliber of unreserved douchebags that are littered in this show.  Honestly, how can you be this much of a monumental cunt with only 16 years of life?  You have barely had enough exposure to anything to be this much of a complete bell-end. 

Another contestant, the one who was dismissed, possibly one of the most egotistical wankers alive exclaimed that he still has a ‘successful’ business and he will go on to pursue a life of great achievements and Lord Sugar – an established businessman who has built an empire worth £800 million over the last 40 years – will regret not hiring this child.  Deluded much, you stupid shit head?  This kid sounded as though he had come from a humble up-bringing by his somewhat urbanised accent which in itself was insufferable.  The way he dressed with suits not at all tailored well for him and a big blinging gold watch made me, plainly, utter aloud:

“Are you for-fucking-real?”

The way he would articulate himself was comparable to a moderately well educated 3 year old.  How he had any business acumen or a ‘successful’ business I will never know.  And by that I mean I will never know who died and left him at the helm. 

Anyway, this guy had a head that made Alien’s look minuscule.  What’s funny is that it is both literal and figurative. 

If, as Allen Sugar says, our country’s economy is in their hands I am leaving the fucking country. 

You know what else aggravates me?  When I see cyclists on the road….especially when I am driving.  But, what annoys me beyond belief is when they are cycling, on a road with cars, with no hands.  They are just trying to show off.  Well, let me tell you, you are not kool.  If anything you are the pinnacle of cuntishness.  If Hitler carried out a genocide against the likes of you he would probably have been hailed a humanitarian visionary.  Stop being wreckless fucking wankers and endangering yourselves, other cyclists, pedestrians and drivers.  You fucking stupid fucking cunts. 

I may illustrate myself as heartless here but, I hope I am in the presence of one of these ‘no hander’ cyclists if and when they get hit.  I will be the first to run up and ask:

“You need a hand there…well you have two.  You should have been fucking using them!”

Knobs.

Much love,

Jackson L

Sport

It was a fantastic day for sport last Sunday.  We saw the final of the Rugby World Cup take place between the French who were lucky in their manner towards the final – despite having world player of the year, Captain Thierry Dusautoir, in their ranks - having lost two games on the road!  An All Blacks team lacking the powerful, potent attack that; arguably the most gifted player in the world - Dan Carter provides, were clearly not at full capacity.  It was an ugly final which even I, a neutral, couldn’t bare to watch.  The whole game, from start to finish was all that a final should offer. 

The French decided to form an ‘arrow head’ during the confrontation that is the native New Zealander Haka (war dance).  The French Federation of Rugby is now being fined £2500 which I feel is a little unfair.  Yes, it is only respectful to watch the spectacle that is the Haka while your opposition performs it but, with all the intensity in which it is executed, some dispute that it gives the All Blacks a psychological advantage – which I believe to be a load of utter shit!  The Samoans, Fijians and Tongans also have a Haka….none of these teams have won the world cup twice!  It is the quality of players which New Zealand have the world’s best of in many positions across the field.  Anyway, I disagree with the fine.  I think it is just as respectful to watch the challenge being laid down by the All Blacks via their intimidating war dance as, in your own way accepting the challenge by demonstrating you are not afraid.  You are here to do battle.  You are here as a team.  The French did all those things and it was not in defiance.  It was their own way of signifying their acceptance of the challenge with a counter-challenge. 

Piri Weepu, dubbed ‘Mr Fixit’ by many in New Zealand was the go to man when Dan Carter was ruled out early in the competition with a groin injury.  He remained in his Scrum-half position but took on the responsibilities of a fly half on pitch.  Despite his excellence during the tournament, he missed 8 points worth of kicks in the final – 2 penalties and a conversion, leaving it only 5-0 at half time instead of a potential 13-0.  By the end of the game, the All Blacks had to resort to their 4^th stand off – who came on to kick a penalty with wonderful composure to ensure an 8 point lead which would require the French to score twice to win the game.  The game ended at a nail biting, nerve wracking 8-7 as the French scored a try via their captain which was converted. 

It was not by any stretch of the imagination an All Black exhibition but, a win!  This ended their 24 year World Cup drought despite being the best team on the planet for so very long.  The French did play very well but, I hate it when people say the French deserved to win.  Well, they did not.  They did not deserve to win because they did not score more points.  Also, if you look at any good rugby team, one who pulls all the strings and makes all the play is and always will be the man wearing the number 10 jersey – the stand off position.  For New Zealand to have to rely on their FOURTH starting stand off in a world cup final and STILL win, albeit by a single point, goes to show the strength in depth this team have and in my humble opinion, very much the deserved winners of the most prestigious prize in international rugby.  So, to those who say otherwise – I casually spit in your face and ceremoniously walk away from your futile, feeble minded opinions/self.  Just remember what New Zealand did to France earlier in the world cup during the pool stages.  That was them at full capacity and it was above and beyond any of the other matches of the world cup.  It was one of the best displays of rugby I have ever seen.  I am not saying that the All Blacks would have repeated this in the final….every game is different but, do not forget what they are capable of when they are firing on all cylinders. 

In the last 20 minutes of that game I actually felt my heart racing!  I have no affiliation whatsoever to New Zealand – if anything more for France I was on the verge of embarking on a professional rugby career there.  I guess I hadn’t realised I wanted them to win it so much. 

A positive find for the future of New Zealand rugby was Aaron Cruden.  Only 22 years old and by chance, given the opportunity to start at number 10 and he seized upon the prospect….and what a prospect he is!  Unfortunately, it looked like he tore some ligaments in his knee during the final.  A great player with a fantastic future.  He is a possible replacement for Dan the man. 

This final marked a great day for rugby where we saw many a great and celebrated name in world rugby finally be labeled ‘world champion’.  Most notably Captain Richie McCaw.

All the power, all the passion, all the glory, all the world.  The All Blacks.  The hallowed black is finally turned to gold.  Well done New Zealand. 

The day only got better when I learned the result of the Manchester derby.  Man City schooled Man United at Old Trafford – ‘The Theatre of Dreams’ – and a dream it was!  6-1 the final score and an embarrassed Sir Alex Ferguson conceded the most humiliating day in Manchester United history.  Mario Balotelli is such a hero.  Having read an interview with him recently, I am happy to see he has really taken a shining to Roberto Mancini who I think is doing a great job at Man City.  I think he will do well this year. So far undefeated in the league and enjoying a 5 point lead on the summit. 

I love sport!  It is so sad to see the Rugby World Cup end but I cannot be happier for the eventuality. 

Much love,

Jackson L.

Heroes.

I was watching Frasier yesterday as I received the whole boxset from my sister for my birthday.  It is just fantastic.  I love the humour, it is above and beyond most other itcoms I have watched like Friends.  Friends just seems like the commoner’s sitcom compared to Frasier. 

It was a Halloween special episode that actually got me wracking my brain.  In this particular episode Frasier threw a party with the theme of coming as your hero.  Frasier went as Sigmund Freud as he believes it was him who sparked such a keen interest in psychology and given it is what he does as a profession he felt he had a hand in molding his character.  Fair enough I thought.  But then, I began thinking….who is my hero?  I really do not know who my hero is.  Well, apart from my dad – cliché central – I have no real hero who has influenced me in such a way that it has defined my character or persona. 

FYI – my dad is a hero to me as his life is a remarkable story.  He has come from humble upbringings in Iraq to a very well respected cardiologist.  He took his family out of a country torn by war, he was exiled from neighbouring countries and he had to leave the Middle East, the area he has known all his life, to provide a better future for his family.  To provide the way my father has is truly heroic. 

I have sporting heroes, people I look up to when I am in need of inspiration and heroes in music but, there is no one outstanding who has made me the person I am today.  I don’t think anyway…

Who is your hero?

Much love,

Jackson L.

Recent news

October 20^th 2011 was the day that Colonel Muammar Gaddafi’s 42 years of tyranny and dictatorship concluded once and for all with the ending of his life.  Of course, this is good for the people of Libya and now they are free from this horror and I agree, for once, with our prime minister when he called for us not to forget the victims who suffered the brutality and paid the ultimate price during Gaddafi’s repulsive reign.  However, there are many things still left undone.  Many families who had endured the awfulness of the Lockerbie bombings and also those affected by the shooting of Yvonne Fletcher – who was only 25 years old when she was murdered – will now forever live without the answers they so severely crave.  Wanting to know why and never finding out can be very cruel.  I may be an idiot for saying this but, in the furor a man who had all those answers, a man who should have stood trial against all he atrocities he committed against humanity was shot dead.  No one knows who shot him…convenient. 

I feel nothing but rapture for the revolutionaries on Libya and I wish them all the best for the rebuilding of their nation.  This is only the end of the beginning.  It is going to be a long road to recovery but, hopefully a straightforward, painless one. 

When I was reading the paper today, I read about some 19 year old kid who was arrested for being a drug dealer.  His car was parked oddly at a junction and police searched his car only to find 7 grams of heroin and cocaine in his car and when searching his pockets they found business cards advertising his services in the selling of narcotics.  I’m no drug dealer but, I’m pretty sure that it is a business you would not want to advertise with use of a business card complete with your real name and phone number!  Seriously, how stupid can you get?!  Dumb fuck. 

The Rugby world cup is coming to an end.  It has been a thrilling 6 weeks of great rugby and it has really made me miss the sport.  The much anticipated final will be between the All blacks and Les Bleau.  France and New Zealand, the best of both hemispheres when they play to their full potential will promise to be a gripping match, despite France’s luck on their road to the final, I’m sure they will deliver a spectacle to behold.  New Zealand will have many demons to put to rest (France being New Zealand’s bogey team at World Cup time) and will not be bowled over on their home turf too easy, particularly at Fortress: Eden Park. 

Despite having met some of the French players in the past and getting to know a few of them, I would rather see the All Blacks lift the trophy.  They have been ranked no. 1 in the world for a very long time and they deserve to end the 24 years of hurt.  It was in 1987, the first ever world cup, that the All Blacks won the world cup and it was against France in the final.  It would be befitting if this was a repeat of that final. 

Great weekend of rugby ahead.  Unfortunately, my teams of the tournament, Wales, lost to Australia today – only narrowly – 21-18.  The Welsh were completely outplayed which goes to show their strength in depth.  They were also without one of the most outstanding players of the world cup, their captain, Sam Warburton.  He has been banned for three weeks due to a reckless tackle which I thought was harsh. 

They will have a great 6 nations I think.

Much love,

Jackson L.  

I have sold out II

I just realised that I have sold out some more.  I recently acquired an iPhone 4S.  I used to hate everything that is apple, mainly because of the plethora of DOUCHEBAGS, that keenly support them to the point where others just get goaded.   Much like Man united fans.  I had an iPod and it was great.  It served me so very well and I used it everyday for over 4 years.  Tragically it died (deleted my 15Gb of music due to ‘bugs’).  Before it died it was only transmitting any noise from the left hand headphone.  It was a slow, agonising death for my iPod but I refuse to get rid of it.  But this is all digression.  People who think Apple is the greatest thing ever and are in your face about it worse than gay people about their sexuality, are just annoying.  Not to say gay people are annoying but those who are needlessly defensive of their sexuality are. 

So, I always said iPhones were not the best smartphones about.  I always said that there were better smartphones on the market, such as htc and Samsung phones.  How wrong I was!  I made the disastrous mistake of obtaining an htc HD2 which is a (shoddy) windows phone.  It looked good.  It was my first smartphone and it was shit.  Barely any apps, constantly crashed and I began loathing it towards the end of it’s tenure with me.  The operating system was just bullshit and I tried so hard to get it onto the android operating system to no avail. 

This, I think, was a futile stand against being one of the many millions who would get an iPhone and do nothing but rave about it.  This will be the only time I will talk about my iPhone on this blog.  It is awesome.  It has changed my expectation of what every smartphone should be.  It comes with all the standard trimmings a smartphone does; phone calls, texts, emails, internet, camera.  In addition it has the apps store, face time, an 8 Megapixel camera with HD recording and its most attractive feature – Siri (of all the links I post - I recommend you look t this one).  It is a voice activated/recognition element.  It is not first generation but it can still do with a bit more fine tuning however, you can ask it to carry out simple commands such; as schedule an appointment which it will add to your calander, reschedule – change appoint times etc, dictate a text or email and be sent to someone, make a phone call, ask about the weather and more. 

It is awesome.  Think of Siri as a butler for your phone.

I still think apple and all their die hard fans are shit, but I just want apple stuff.  They look so kool and they have really nailed the phones. 

Much love,

Jackson L. 

I have sold out!!!

So, I have indeed sold out.  For the past month I have involved myself in an intense research project with a view to conclude on the potency of supplementation in sport.  Protein shakes, recovery drinks, fat burners, creatine, testosterone supplements – all befall a multi-million pound a year cluster fuck.  So many companies with a foothold in this business convince you that they have research to back up their product and we, the blind consumer, are taken in and engulfed by the basic science that they offer within their blurb concluding that their product is the most life changing, awesome, lose-14-stone-of-fat, gain-a-thousands-kilos-of muscle-with-a-vein-ridden-six-pack.  Of course, we think that all our time in the gym is a complete waste without said product and we buy it and with all our vigour become an everyday, run of the mill muscle bound dickhead that is so hell bent on working every muscle in your body that you would even exercise your pelvic girdle with the most stupid, painstaking exercises imaginable…..I know I have become all these things. 

Regardless, it has been known that people who take supplements do tend to exercise harder – subconsciously – so that they get more ‘bang for their buck’.  Indeed, if people worked out just as hard without the supplements would the gains be so magnificent?

This is what the research is trying to answer.  The study is a blind study meaning the participants of the study – myself and many others – are given a specific supplement (in my case 4!), being either; a protein shake, carbohydrate drink, creatine, fat burners and recovery drinks.  And of course a placebo. 

Given my symptoms – pre, during and post consumption and during my work out – I suspected I was most definitely not on any placebo which I was a little disappointed in.  Reasons as to my discontent and hence my selling out is due to my intense disbelief in these supplements working as these sports nutrition companies – who get Olympic medal winners and other elite athletes to endorse them because some muhfuckas looking for cash muney – say they do.  For me, it is an unnatural way of muscle gain and this is why the initial gain in size and strength is short lived as once you do the 6 weeks on, 6 weeks off you drop nearly 50% (on average depending on how much you rely on it) of your gained mass.  In addition to this, I proved many people wrong by gaining nearly 2 stone in 6 months during my rugby days when I played in the front row.  I was 17 stone 10lbs (112kg or ~250lbs) and I. WAS. JACKED!

I did it all naturally.  I was in the gym 4 hours a day, running 50-60 miles per week, intervals and eating ‘A SHIT LOAD’ which is a legitimate measure of volume.  I was consuming 10000 calories + a day.  It was a glorious time.  You can achieve anything with the correct nutrition and exercise. 

Anyway, I got measured up and took a standard strength test (consisting of 1 Rep Maxes on exercises like bench press, squat lift, dead lift etc) prior to the research beginning.  We then get measured up again in monthly increments to monitor any increases.  I had a sneak peak at mine…  Suffice to say there have been changes.  I knew there would be if I was on any supplements.  My body fat percentage has dropped 3.61% and my weight has increase by almost 4kg. 

My supplements include (I think!)

Fat burners which I need to take at certain times in the day (before breakfast and IF I take it a second time in a 24 hour period I should ensure I take it at least 5 hours later as it is quite a powerful mix.).  This leaves a real feeling of nausea. 

Creatine – naturally the body generates phosphor-creatine which help give muscle the energy required for anaerobic exercises such as sprinting, weight lifting, interval training etc.  The theory is to supply the muscle with more energy and you could do those extra few reps which will help increase strength and definition sooner rather than later.  Probably the supplement I would gun for most if I had to.  I must take this before any gym session.

Carbohydrate drink – this tastes atrocious!  Literally an offence every time this touches my lips.  Your taste buds are left like Poland in 1939….invaded for what seems like an eternity!  Infuriating!  The theory here is that carbs saturate your muscles much faster than protein do therefore you will get big quick!  I believe I am definitely on this as I am told to sip at this during a weights session.  Only two others have to do this in the subject group – obviously the guy on the placebo and the guy who is taking carbs as his only supplement. 

Finally, Protein shake.  I have had one or two shakes in the past and I will never forget the consistency and the hideous texture, not to mention the smell when you leave it in a shaker for a few hours.  God forbid the room being a little warmer than usual.  I am told to take this after a work out session.  The science behind protein is simple.  It is for growth and recovery.  Hair, nails, skin, muscle – all protein.  Whenever any of these are damaged, your body compensates by depositing proteins.  Obviously, up to a certain degree.  Giving an individual unfortunate enough to suffer from skin cancer a protein shake will do nothing but aggravate them.  I don’t mean cause more detriment to their condition, I mean they will get aggravated at your stupidity. 

To conclude, I believe that in order for these things to work, you really need a combination of the RIGHT things.  There are so many different forms of supplements with so many different brand names within each branch of the proverbial supplementation tree (brand names can be like twigs in the branch) that one could either get annoyed and not bother looking into the right stuff, waste money on things that don’t work or try everything all at once which could counteract certain supplements thus, money wasted.

Although I am involved in this research project, I still do not condone supplementation.  However, if you are keen on supplements then you will do well to consider the supplements I am on.  In addition you may want to look at separate recovery drinks which are packed with nitrates which help alleviate muscle soreness allowing you to do more. 

This is going to be a long 6 months.  I deduce that in time, my body will acclimatise to the barrage of supplements I am feeding on.  Thankfully I will not be in search of more forceful supplements if this was to happen.

Much love,

Jackson L.

Fuck you TfL!!!

Today on the train we were majorly delayed.  The Central line – connecting me to the rest of London – had hideous delays on it due to defective trains on it.  This added a further half hour to my journey time and I was not too pleased about that.  Furthermore, I was charged twice for the same journey as I had to exit one station and walk to another to get to connecting trains to finally arrive to my final destination. 

I sent the TfL (Transport for London) a piece of my mind demanding a refund as I thought this was fair.  I will update you on their response. 

Anyway, on the crammed train, everyone was very irritable.  As I got on I was trying to consider others by looking for space further into the carriage.  I found a small quadrant of about 10cm by 10cm to stand in (considering my upper body size it is a tight squeeze) and I politely asked the small girl wearing hijab to let me past.  Her very rude response was:

“And stand where?!”

I pointed at the gaping space and rather undiplomatically snorted:

“THERE!!”

To which she simply responded with:

“No…”

At this point another man joined in the fray and said

“Just move your arm and let the man through to stand there.  It means more people can get on.”

To which she stupidly responded with

“No!  Mind ya business!!  I don’t see you getting up off your seat for me.  Mind ya business!!”

Well, what could I say or do at this point?  Everyone was looking at this total dick needlessly making a scene and I said to the man:

“Thank you for seeing sense.  Obviously some people are not very sensible!”

He chuckled.  Prompting the girl to get all in my face and say:

“Are you trying to say something?!”

“Yes.  You are a sad, pathetic, GCSE failing little child who is just being difficult for the sake of being difficult.  You think you are standing your ground for something worthwhile but in actuality you are not.  I think I can safely say everyone of this train thinks you are a total douchebag.”

Some people snigger and I begin to read my metro.  She began to say some stupid stuff like:

“How dare you!  You don’t know me!!” 

To which I laughed as about four people told her to shut up.  It was nice to have others on my side.  During the train journey she kept drawing my attention with scolding looks.  I just smiled back at her. 

Eventually we arrive at a stop where a few people got off.  She sat herself down on an empty seat and I was inopportune enough to have to stand in the space I wanted which was directly in front of her. 

The train began moving and it was quite bumpy.  Someone knocked into me (on a crowded train might I remind you) and this imbecile stated:

“I told you not to stand there!”

And in a heartbeat I said:

“For God’s sake!  No one asked for your fucking opinion!!”

The look of shock on her face was even better than the look of adulation on the face of the man who tried to intervene earlier.  She remained quiet for the remainder of the journey.  Barely a peep.  She did not even look up at me. 

A few stops later, as she was getting off, I thought it would be a good idea for me to say “Salaam alaekum” in the hope that she realises that she is a Muslim girl who is supposed to uphold our beliefs and this includes not looking for confrontation at any given opportunity. 

I sat down next to the man who mediated previously.  He seemed to have a few things to say about the whole affair to which I simply said:

“It did not need to happen.  She was just being needlessly unreasonable and I really did not want to have to get aggressive towards a person who follows in my faith.”

 Ridiculous. 

Anyhow, I was late for my appointments at university today and I am hating the TfL.  It is almost as bad as the public service at home.  I can’t believe that the prices for trains are on the rise and this is what we have to deal with.  I do not expect all public transport services in the UK to be 100% efficient all the time because I know shit happens but, for the amount that we have to pay, it should be a hell of a lot better! 

Much love,

Jackson L. 

I wouldn't say no...

Here are some things that I would love to have in my life -

Good accessories.  Salt and pepper have never looked so kool! 

Cool cushion!  I have always said I want biscuit cushions. 

This is legitimately thee most epic clock I have ever laid eyes on. 

Now that I have a Samsung Tablet I have my own bookstore on it.  I would happily fill this bookshelf with any books though.  I would look like the most learned man on Earth. 

IDEA STOLEN!!!  This will be my children's crib.  I, firstly, have the simple task of finding someone fucked up enough to want to procreate with me.  Easy. 

It may be a new ploy used by paedophiles to lure children to their house of fun but, even the most boring adult in the world would slide downstairs! 

If you don't think this is genius then you should get the fuck off my page, mate! 

This is my Settee where I have entertained many worldly people, famous and infamous....IN MY MIND!!!

Classic.

Would it be weird if fish watch you have sex?  Who cares??!  This is just delightful.  That is until the great white will break the glass to get to it's meal.  Up until then - bedtime would be so sweet! 

It would be much greater if our countryside were littered with these pylons rather than the eyesores that currently haunt our lands. 

I think I will start simple first as I, most of all, want my long hair back. 

Much love, 

Jackson L.