He's a dedicated follower of United.

A friend of mine is a Man U fan.  He is the sole reason why I just can’t stand it when that team wins anything.  You can see it in his face that he is a dedicated follower of the ‘Red Devils’.  He has a look of years of substance abuse and he certainly talks like it as well….

I have no idea what brought on his love for a team that is loved by everyone except those who live in Machester and others who just hate that team and everything they stand for.  But, I like to think that as a child his parents were set on punishing him by boring him for ninety minutes.  Fair enough and good parenting you might say but – little did they know that him being a cunt with a shitty addictive personality – their plan back-fired and he became addicted to being bored for ninety minutes and hence watch United on a regular basis.  He seems content to view Rio Ferdinand, Wayne Rooney and another 9 wankers stupefy hordes of otherwise ordinary decent people.  A depraved individual he is. 

Friends becoming concerned called in specialists such as psychologists, therapists and other philanthropists and other professionals with a job title ending in ‘ist’.  Deemed a hopeless case they set up a charity entitled MUA – Manchester United Anonymous.  These meetings are almost as dull as reading Rio Ferdinand’s biography.  Learnng about a grown man’s toilet experiences may be the most mundane, hideous, heinous series of words strung together forming a sentence.  A disastrous waste of ink and paper.  Though it is a cruel necessity as it does help one to recover and journey the road to redemption as being an avid Man U fan can split families, bankrupt one physically and morally and ruin careers. 

My friend has yet to hit rock bottom.  The moment he realises that Man U are not the greatest team to have graced our beautiful planet it will rock his world.  He cannot get into his stubborn, big head that Man U are the reason for all the inhumane atrocities happening in the world today and in history – 2 world wars, famine, pestilence, Gaddafi and Rob Schneider. 

Single, or rather gang, handedly they have managed to kill off football.  They will most certainly kill my friend and it serves him fucking right.  It may be the first and only good thing Man u have done for the good of the land.  Who knows, maybe they will set themselves ablaze and Old Trafford will be raised to the ground.  Wouldn’t that be something?  Yes, it would.  It would be one hell of a story.  Man U have never been known to have ordinary fans or entertain.