Best friends are the best.

I have realised that there are a whole bunch of people I know (unfortunately) are now leaving X and moving down to London too.  Alas, there are just some people you will never escape.  Some memories will always be there to constantly remind you of how shitty things have been.  I am very lucky that London is a big city because these people really know how to make my blood boil.  It’s funny.  I honestly thought that I really did not give a shit about certain people.  My ‘friendship’ with them has lain in the past for a long time now and that is where it shall remain.  When I found out that this particular individual was moving to London I actually felt my breathing get heavier and my heart beat faster.  I actually felt as if I was about to fight someone.  I really never thought I could get that pissed off at something I thought was deep in my past now.  It is daunting to think what may happen if I lacked that little bit of self-control I do have if I was to bump into said individual in London.  My feeling at the point of just finding out I would have probably gone out of my way to kick six shades of shit out the guy.  I would have honestly kept beating on him until my arms got so tired they could no longer lift themselves.  “They are not worth it!” I keep telling myself.  It doesn’t seem to work though. 

Thankfully, as I mentioned, I have that little bit of self-control.  But, more than that, I have good friends.  Friends, who regrettably, have not made the move to the big smoke.  Friends who may not make the move at all, to my anguish!  However, in times of personal hardship people always look to anyone for support, comfort and encouragement, especially good friends.  I know I did.  I can’t help but think that if it wasn’t for my best friend, who we will call Brian Fox, I really don’t think I could have dealt with half the situations I found myself in, most recently when a so called group of friends decided to betray me.  It was, for me devastating.  The best advice I received about that situation was from him. 

Brian Fox:  You need to prove yourself to nobody.  You don’t need to prove yourself to your parents let alone these guys.  Who do they think they are?! 

He was, as per usual, right.  Nobody should feel the need to prove themselves to anybody.  It is something that you should do only for yourself.  This starts with having the notion of being able to take that step without seeing where your foot is going to land.  This is called faith.  Faith is something EVERYBODY should have in themselves.  I only realised recently that if it wasn’t for the years I have hung around with Brian Fox that I would not have so much faith in my self and I would not have such a high benchmark to have faith in others.  He has shared many an astute observation with me.  This situation was no different.  

Brian Fox:  The best revenge is to just ignore them and live well. 

I now fully understand the expression ‘success is the best revenge’.  I also now fully understand how valuable a friend Brian Fox is.  He has wisdom beyond his years and he is always in the know of the best action to take in any given situation. 

I would swap all the douches that have moved down from X with Brian Fox.  He belongs here more than anyone I know.  It’s funny because he was the only other person who felt the same way I did in X and it was so strange to see how similar our thought process was.  We knew we thought along the same tracks but we didn’t know we were on the same train singing from the same page of the same book…probably wearing the same clothes too. 

If Brian Fox ever reads this, I want him to know there are countless things that have changed my thinking because of the things he’s said and done.  I also want to admit that there are times when I am at such a loss that I think to myself ‘how will Brian Fox react to this?’ The most astonishing thing is that Brian Fox is thee most headstrong person I have ever known.  It seems to me like he is a maverick who opens up to nobody.  He lets nothing affect him and he just gets on with it.  An individualist.  A lot of the time I actually think he is carrying the mental strength for more than just himself.  I know he did it for me before.  Do I wish he’d open up to me more?  Well sure! Am I going to force him?  Not at all.  I know where he is when I need him and he sure knows where to find me when he needs me. 

Brian Fox, BF, I wish you were here.  BF you are my BFF.  My blood brother.

Much love,

Jackson L.