Red Hot Chili Peppers

I recently went to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers (RHCP), a band which I love!  They are so summery and awesome to listen to.  Not only do they create sweet, sweet music for a sad, sad world but, they compliment the music well with their excellent lyricism. 

None of this Carly Rae Jepsen bullshit –

“Before you came into my life I missed you so bad”  That makes no god damn motherfucking sense you dumb fuck!

Anyway, Chilis!  So it was an open air event which, when the tickets were bought we were thinking YES!!!  Summer time in London! A summery band!  A band who dedicated a summer song about summer in London!!! (Emmit Remmus) I felt like Hannibal from The A team!

Needless to say, the weather was balls.  In addition, the concert was a total let down, despite a welcome idiosyncratic set list including Sir Psycho Sexy, Higher Ground and Soul to Squeeze.  Take that part time fans!!!  I realised despite RHCP being an awesome band, they aren’t up to much live.  They certainly weren’t as energetic as Dizee Rascal who actually stole the show, despite being a total bell-end with his hooliganistic chant of:

“LETS GOT FUCKIN’ BONKERS! LETS GO FUCKIN’ BONKERS!! NANA NANA NANAA NANAA”

I’ll be honest, I was loving that!  I embrace any given moment of being a hooligan, when it is or isn’t socially acceptable.  I love it!  Fuck you!!

Anyway, the weather being shitty and the 2 and a bit hours or so that the chilis were on, I realised that not only was I distinctly disappointed with the way my life was going in that given moment, I was also strongly loathing all the cunts I was surrounded by....essentially a bunch of cunty-chops who had obviously never experienced alcohol before, didn’t know how to handle it and were freakin’ it!  In addition to this, they probably think that the chilis are the best band ever.  As previously stipulated, they aren’t anything spectacular live and if you know me, you know I have been to more than my fair share of gigs. 

My problems with the headliners:  Well, not much of a crowd interaction was the most obvious.  It was almost as if they were there just for the sake of it.  It was the fourth time I have seen the chilis and the last two times have been a shambles!  Flea has become a little cocky in my opinion, thanking only 2 of the 3 support acts.  Knob.  And also, The new guitarist Josh clinghoffer#psqriohgqbwer;cvl            qwebf;khjbg      qwerg – that’s his name – was basically non-existent.  He may as well have been backstage doing the instrumentals (bring back Mr John Frusciante, please!) Chad was awesome.  I do love Chad.  He is always up for it.  T. Keidis was the first off stage.  It was as if he couldn’t wait to fuck off.  I don’t get it!

Furthermore, as I have already mentioned....the fans that were there.  Fucking hell!  Bar, one or two funny lads from Wales....the rest were a bunch of kids who pretended to know how to smoke and like I already said, thought the Chilis were god’s gift to the world.  It reminded me of my brief stint on the RHCP app. 

I need to say, I thought the idea of the app was super kool. You were able to keep up with the band’s current affairs, buy merchandise, see videos, lyrics and interact with other fans.  It was almost like twitter specifically for the chilis.  But, I say it was brief because around a week later I realised the vast majority were a bunch of retards who hated you if you were outside of the opinion that the chilis were the greatest band of all time x infinity100000000000000000000000000000000.  Now, I love the chilis, I have all their albums and I, better than most, know their history, all the names that have been and gone etcetc.  But, one conversation with a ‘fellow apper’ put me off completely. 

(This was a while ago...)

APPER: I am trying to think of another band as good as the chilis who have been going as long as them.

ME: Chilis been going for 28 years.  Metallica recently got inaugurated into the hall of fame for 30 years of music AND they are working on a new album.

APPER: Yeah but, they are not as good as the chilis

ME: That’s a difference of opinion and it is debateable.

OTHER APPER (my sister): Maiden released an album only last year, still touring and have been going longer than Metallica, even.  Motorhead celebrated 35 years a few years ago and recently released an album and AC/DC are touring.

APPER: Yeah but none of their albums are as good as the chilis or as acclaimed

OTHER APPER: Yes they are and also, the foos had an album which was highly revered. 

APPER:  You’re such a hater!  I’m going to go and listen to Porcelain to calm myself down. 

Then, everyone jumped on the bandwagon and started to call us haters for knowing about other bands.  Cunts. 

Also, can I just say – Porcelain is without doubt thee gayest song in the chilis’ back catalogue.  Even the chilis are like:

“Sorry lads.  Dunno what that was about.”

Also, how are we haters just because we had a different opinion??! That guy was what I would like to call a knobcunt hybrid.  He is the worst of both worlds.  He is a hermaphrodite.  He’s a herm!  Not only does he listen to porcelain but no other bands are allowed to be better than the chilis.  Knobcunt!

We were surrounded by the same bunch of knobcunts on Saturday and it was painful.  You can’t beat a Motorhead crowd!

Much love,

Jackson L.