Friday's roll over.

Everyone in the office is a Lottery optimist except I it would seem.  It just sparked a conversation as to what we would all do with the money if we were to win it.  I must say I am shocked to hear that many of them – cardiologists – would choose to retire early.

If I was to be the lucky cunt who is to win the lottery I know I would continue with my PhD so that I would actually have something to do as I would not want to LOSE MY MIND!!! So the £136M roll over on Friday is being hypothetically won by me and this is how I would choose to spend it. 

1. First and foremost I would write out a list of people I know and I would give them a life changing sum of money to do with whatever they please. 
2. I would work out which charities I feel most strongly about and I will give a substantial amount to each of them to improve their outreach, advertising their mission and look to take a more active role in their work. 
3. I would make sure my family is living comfortably wherever they may be. 
4. I would set up my own charity to open up orphanages, schools and work in the community in Iraqi towns and cities.  I would also like to invest a lot of money in research over there as I believe risk factors such as cancer rates are more prevalent there thanks to all the Napalm…..well done USA. 
5. I would invest in properties on a global scale and use the money gained from this venture to invest more in my own charity. 
6. Continue my quest for the perfect wardrobe.
7. I would open up a gym(s) ensuring that it is to my standards.  Profits would go to opening up more branches.  Chain gym. Yes!
8. I will buy out Yogland and ensure they will get into cinemas and Scotland – T will run it in Scotland for me. 
9. I will simply write a list of all the countries and cities I want to go and only buy a ticket to that destination…first class of course….wearing only the clothes I have at that time.

I am sure I can think up many more things to do but for now that is all I can think of. 

What would you spend your hypothetical millions on? 

Much love,

Jackson L. 

Visitations

So my parents have decided to come on down to London and stay with me.  I must say it is always nice to be with parents but, lately they have really been getting on my nerves.  Yesterday really pissed me off.  I came home after a day in the office having only had about 2 hours sleep (my own fault) and I didn’t want to do anything except nap, which I did.  Though, before I did go for my nap, I was asked by my dad if I wanted to go for a walk in central London…………..

I slept.  I know I maybe should have gone out to enjoy the bright, sunny day, but I had enjoyed the weekend by being out in the open, running and doing my thing. I napped. 

Meanwhile both my parents had left me alone in the quiet to recharge my batteries. 

I overslept, naturally.  Wouldn’t you?!  I had nothing else to do that day!  Don’t judge!!!  I came around when my parents, several hours later decided to stroll in….I say ‘stroll’ it was more of a frantic gesture.  I awoke to a very pungent, bitter smell.  I was actually offended.  I then overheard my mother claim that she had tried to phone me several times, which she did, to alert me that she had left the stove on.  I still do not know what she had left on but, my god was it was smelly. 

I had no sense of what was going on as:-

1. I am a heavy sleeper.
2. I had my room door closed and the windows open.  It was hot!
3. Most importantly, I AM A HEAVY SLEEPER!!!

So I could not smell anything as the door was closed and fresh air was rolling down my window.  It wasn’t until my door was opened and when I awoke I smelt it all.

I got out of bed to assess the situation and enquire as to what had just happened.  I was informed, after being on the receiving end of some piercing looks from both my parents which suggest that it was MY fault that I nearly burned the fucking house down and killed myself, that it was indeed my mother who had left the stove on.  Yeah, apparently it was my fault my mum is a retard. 

At dinner, I was asked if I did at all hear my phone or the house phone ring, to which my response to the inquisitor was, “Do you actually know me?!  I am a heavy sleeper!”

The rest of the chat at dinner was about as entertaining as being gang raped by a horde of barbarians. 

I hate more than anything being victimised for something which had nothing to do with me.  Yes, maybe I should have been a little bit more alert, however, what if I had gone for that walk with my parents?  They would have probably found some way to blame me still. 

So, this and their constant trying to teach me how to drive – despite me being the only member in a family of five NOT to have been involved in a car accident – and many other things is actually causing me to develop cancer slowly, painfully, surely.  I am starting to enjoy their visit less and less.  They have thrown a monkey wrench in my whole program. 

I did enjoy the visit of one of my good friends recently.  He arrived in London exceptionally early one Friday morning and we got up to all sorts of kick ass things.   It felt strange to be hanging out with one of my good friends from home in a different city.  It was a good ‘strange’ feeling and I actually discovered a few things about London that I had never seen before as well as tried some different eateries as well.  We walked everywhere too! On average we walked about 5 or 6 miles per day so we didn’t feel too guilty about being over indulgent…..Gelato and Cinnabon!

We both agreed that we wish we had much more money.  There is just too much to do in London and not enough money in the world it would seem! 

This brings me nicely onto my next point – my parents were saying this the other day –

“It is a wonderful thing to be able to afford all you desire, but money is not the route to all happiness.”

I said –

“I like the round-about way in which you articulated that lame cliché, but I would rather be crying in my Ferrari, thank you, good night!”

Much love,

Jackson L.