Rihanna

I would like to discuss my intolerance towards Rihanna.

Firstly I will begin by emphasising her complete stupidity... I will for the life of me never ever know how or why she managed to forgive Chris Brown.  In case you haven't noticed, Rihanna, you are a rold model for many douchebags whether you like it or not..... what kind of message do you think you are portraying?! 

"Its okay to get the shit kicked out of you by your man." 

Idition, Chris Brown is sucan epic cunt.  For you constantly saying you have changed, you will orever be known as the knob that beat on a woman. Your juvenile, tragic faggotry on twitter shows you in your true light.

Furthermore, you constantly insist on torturing us by working with Drake - rap's spastic child.  I completely adore the fact that Drake is all:

"HO! GANGSTA!! HO! BITCH GANSTA!"

Mate, you went to a fucking private school in Canada and you used to look like this.  Rihanna, your music is even more shitty and monotonous because of your shit collaborations with him.

"Square root of 69 is 8 something, right?" - for one, shut the fuck up.  Two, you are not clever.  And three, you are a cunt. Fuck off.  Also, your name is RIHANNA!  You are 24 years old.  You really should know your own name by now!

Finally, with all this said - I have come up with a theory about Rihanna.  She is the lost tellytubby.  Don't act all surprised!  It is really obvious when you think about it.  Listen to all her shit songs. 

"You DA one that I dream about alweh eh ehz....You DA one I think about alweh eh ehz"

It's 'THE' not 'DA' but I do recall the tellytubbies saying "EH-OH" all the time.  What's with all the 'eh eh eh', Rihanna? Hmm??!

"You can stand under my umbrella ella ella EH EH EH"

I think my theory is gathering a little strength. 

"RUMPAPAPUM RUMPAPAPUM....Man down"

Tellytubbies generally make stupid noises.  Also, refer to intro to Disturbia, S&M, Pon De Replay (what does that even mean?!) and so many more. 

All your songs are annoyingly mundane.  I can't stand your shit and the fact that people call your noise music is an insult to art. 

Much love,

Jackson L.