The Fuck Facebook Campaign.

So I have done it.  I have got rid of Facebook.  It is my first day since getting rid of it and I think it is actually quite weird.  To go from checking Facebook every time I got a spare moment, or a wave of what I like to call ‘micro boredom ‘, to just quickly check up on my phone to nothing at all(!) is like a total, overnight, change in lifestyle.  I have now been thee most Facebook free since before having it and it is actually one of those resonating feelings of superiority.  

My reasons for getting rid of Facebook are 6 fold –

1.       Status updates.  How many times have you seen the shittiest status update on Facebook and thought – ‘that was so bad…SO BAD that I think I just got cancer.’  Stupid stuff like – “I’m eating toast with jam and butter” or “Just home” or something extra shit like “I <3 my gf”.  Don’t even get me started on people with political opinions!  Fuck!  I have never seen arguments as heated as the arguments I have seen on Facebook and that, for me is a really BOLD statement as I come from one of the most dysfunctional families to have walked the Earth.  Not to mention the amount of times people would share with their 712 friends that they had just failed their driving test…..I usually click the ‘Like’ function and the post a comment which states “hahahahahahhahahaahahaa!”

2.       Random people.  Ok, I met you at a party and I employed my more adorable, kind natured qualities.  I spoke to you for all of five minutes, had a good chuckle – usually at other people’s expense – and then carried on with my life.  This is not an invite for you to track me down on Facebook and then add me.  I always thought that was stupid.  It was creepy as well.  I hardly know you and I don’t want to be one of several hundred people on your friends list that you don’t really know.  We would not be the definition of friends….we are merely acquaintances.  Imagine adding someone as a friend – a person you would like to keep in touch with – after having only spoken to them for a few minutes.  ‘Well done, you are one of many douchebags that has more friends on Facebook than there are days in the year.  Your classification befits a sad, sad, pathetic wanker. 

3.       Doppelganger week, the NSPCC cartoon thing, all the other stupid trends set by a bunch of knobs that have too much time on Facebook. 

4.       The fact people know EVERYTHING about you and you have never met them.  That is beyond scary.  It is just weird and it is borderline stalking! 

5.       The thing that annoys me most is the fakery on Facebook.  People always seem so much more different on Facebook than they do for real.  Also, those who set up two accounts so that ‘their family see one and their friends see them for real’……I’m sure I do not need to go into too much detail about my thoughts and estimations of people like that but, have no illusion, there are people that do that.  You are the pinnacle of fake.  I have very low estimations of you and virtually nothing to say.  Sort your life out you insecure dick. Suck my balls. 

6.       The games people play – Farmville, Mob Wars, Millionaire City etc etc.  Sad fucks.  ‘Help Claire achieve green farmer of the day’ …..Get to fuck. 

Join me in the fuck Facebook campaign.  Facebook is shit.  You know it. 

I have all my important people's numbers.  That is and always will be the best way to keep in touch with my allies.

FUCK FACEBOOK!

Much love,

Jackson L.

Visitations

So my parents have decided to come on down to London and stay with me.  I must say it is always nice to be with parents but, lately they have really been getting on my nerves.  Yesterday really pissed me off.  I came home after a day in the office having only had about 2 hours sleep (my own fault) and I didn’t want to do anything except nap, which I did.  Though, before I did go for my nap, I was asked by my dad if I wanted to go for a walk in central London…………..

I slept.  I know I maybe should have gone out to enjoy the bright, sunny day, but I had enjoyed the weekend by being out in the open, running and doing my thing. I napped. 

Meanwhile both my parents had left me alone in the quiet to recharge my batteries. 

I overslept, naturally.  Wouldn’t you?!  I had nothing else to do that day!  Don’t judge!!!  I came around when my parents, several hours later decided to stroll in….I say ‘stroll’ it was more of a frantic gesture.  I awoke to a very pungent, bitter smell.  I was actually offended.  I then overheard my mother claim that she had tried to phone me several times, which she did, to alert me that she had left the stove on.  I still do not know what she had left on but, my god was it was smelly. 

I had no sense of what was going on as:-

1. I am a heavy sleeper.
2. I had my room door closed and the windows open.  It was hot!
3. Most importantly, I AM A HEAVY SLEEPER!!!

So I could not smell anything as the door was closed and fresh air was rolling down my window.  It wasn’t until my door was opened and when I awoke I smelt it all.

I got out of bed to assess the situation and enquire as to what had just happened.  I was informed, after being on the receiving end of some piercing looks from both my parents which suggest that it was MY fault that I nearly burned the fucking house down and killed myself, that it was indeed my mother who had left the stove on.  Yeah, apparently it was my fault my mum is a retard. 

At dinner, I was asked if I did at all hear my phone or the house phone ring, to which my response to the inquisitor was, “Do you actually know me?!  I am a heavy sleeper!”

The rest of the chat at dinner was about as entertaining as being gang raped by a horde of barbarians. 

I hate more than anything being victimised for something which had nothing to do with me.  Yes, maybe I should have been a little bit more alert, however, what if I had gone for that walk with my parents?  They would have probably found some way to blame me still. 

So, this and their constant trying to teach me how to drive – despite me being the only member in a family of five NOT to have been involved in a car accident – and many other things is actually causing me to develop cancer slowly, painfully, surely.  I am starting to enjoy their visit less and less.  They have thrown a monkey wrench in my whole program. 

I did enjoy the visit of one of my good friends recently.  He arrived in London exceptionally early one Friday morning and we got up to all sorts of kick ass things.   It felt strange to be hanging out with one of my good friends from home in a different city.  It was a good ‘strange’ feeling and I actually discovered a few things about London that I had never seen before as well as tried some different eateries as well.  We walked everywhere too! On average we walked about 5 or 6 miles per day so we didn’t feel too guilty about being over indulgent…..Gelato and Cinnabon!

We both agreed that we wish we had much more money.  There is just too much to do in London and not enough money in the world it would seem! 

This brings me nicely onto my next point – my parents were saying this the other day –

“It is a wonderful thing to be able to afford all you desire, but money is not the route to all happiness.”

I said –

“I like the round-about way in which you articulated that lame cliché, but I would rather be crying in my Ferrari, thank you, good night!”

Much love,

Jackson L. 

Kindle me, baby!!

I really want a Kindle.  There are so many books that I really want to read and I have not yet got around to reading yet because I am an uncultured fuck.  A kindle would be a great way to get all he books I want without taking up too much space AND the kindle book prices are at reduced prices.  

I wouldn’t even know where to being in terms of which books to get.  There are a whole bunch of classics which you can get for free, for example Bram Stoker’s Dracula, which I have read before but I think, like every movie collection should have Shawshank Redemption, every book collection should have the original Dracula.  Speaking of books I have already read, I would definitely want to get Catch-22 by Joseph Heller.  It is one of the funniest books I have read – like laugh out loud (‘LOL’ as complete turd stains would say) funny. 

I really want to get all of J.R.R Tolkien’s books.  I have read The Hobbit before and Lord of the Rings as well but I really want to read The Similarion.  I did not realise this was supposed to be a prequel to Lord of the Rings.  I would love to read the rest as I have forgotten most of them.  The movies were exceptional at bringing it all to life but really left out a lot.  I understand that Peter Jackson is directing/producing The Hobbit and I would love to see The Similarion on the big screen if these works are anything to go by. 

I would also like to read Yes Man by Danny Wallace.  I thought the film starring Jim Carrey was really funny and the premise behind it is actually very simple yet complete genius.  I wonder if the film did the book justice as usually it is not the case.  I read How to Lose Friends and Alienate People by Toby Young and I wish I watched the film first as many thought it was good and I thought it was garbage compared to the book. 

I would also like to read the book that the movie The Rite was based on – The Rite: The Making of a Modern Exorcist.  The only good thing about that film was Anthony Hopkins and I have heard that the book is really very good. 

Another film that was made due to the success of a book was the film ‘Limitless’.  The book, The Dark Fields by Alan Glynn would be interesting as the film really had me by the balls from the get go.  It got right into it and I was sat there thinking “Woah. Imagine if…” 

The list is endless when it comes to the classics.  There are just too many books that I want to read.  Just as well the Kindle can hold up to 4000 books at any one time. 

Much love,

Jackson L.