Ramblings.

It is summer!  The weather has well and truly proved it of late, it has been sub-tropic here it’s just beautiful!  I always look forward to the summer for many reasons; the weather, the smells, nature is more exuberant, people are happier and it is generally a greater ambience. 

An activity which I always look forward to – sometimes literally for months and months is going to festivals.  You buy the tickets so long in advance and when it finally comes around the excitement has bubbled into something so much more.  You relish every moment of your time at these festivals whether it is single day or weekend long festivals. 

I love these festivals.  I was at Sonisphere 2010 and I thought it was just too good.  I was blown away as it seemed like the crème de la crème of music festivals.  They had a 24 hour supermarket, fresh food stalls, showers with hot water, toilets that flush(!), loads of different entertainment tents – including one with Tim Minchin performing and another with Henry Rollins.  What had attracted me most of all to this festival was the fact that Iron Maiden – my favourite band of all time and Rammstein, a band I listened to at the pinnacle of my teenage angst.  I found, when leaving the festival – feeling extremely solemn and as if I had forever lost a relative or a limb (…whichever is worse) I found that the best reasons to do to these were not to go and see the array of talented performers entertain – although that is one hell of a bonus – it is the banterous time you will spend with your friends, random people who you have never met and enjoying all hours of the event as it passes by with these people.  It was depressing to leave all that behind as it just did not seem to last long enough….I guess forever would be a bit too much to ask. 

There was nothing better than coming back in the evening and sitting with a drink (Relentless in my case) and stay up for hours and hours talking complete nonsense but, having the best time, time that you will forever remember and look back on fondly. 

I will be attending two of these music festivals this year – Download and Sonisphere.  The word ‘excitement’ does not even come close to defining how my allies and I are feeling about going to these events. 

In other news – I was reading the papers today when at my neighbours flat watching Manchester United place one hand, aggressively, on the title trophy after defeating Chelsea 2-1 and extending their lead to 6 points at the summit with only 2 games left.  They have effectively won what was a bogey season with no one being outstanding….just consistent it would seem.  I think only one more point would seal the deal for Man U.  I hate Man U.  I hate them, not because of their players – I rather like their players, Ryan Giggs is just an exceptional all round athlete.  For a man who is pushing 40 years and still getting a regular game for a top flight, world famous team like Manchester United?  Even the word ‘exceptional’ is a catastrophic understatement.  I also think Wayne Rooney, only for his athletic ability, deserves respect, huge work ethic and many others like Paul Scholes, Vidic, Chicarito (Little Pea) probably the most economical signing in sports history, let alone football history!  A great team.  Even more implausible manager, Sir Alex Ferguson.  A glittering career at Old Trafford and he has won everything and dubbed ‘The God Father of English football’ and rightly so.  But, the reason why I hate that team is their fans. 

Their fans believe they should have a pedestal built and they have the God given right to be placed upon it for simply supporting Man United.  They always strongly believe that they are following the greatest team to have graced the Earth.  Being in their presence is just offensive and, if you ask me, there are never enough Man U fans to stop a runaway bus.  Most of them actually live very far away from Manchester.  It is painfully stupid. 

However, I must credit the team for winning the title.  They have been the most consistent and for a bogey season and league campaign that had seen several twists and turns and change in form – United were most hungry for it.  I still hate them though. 

So, as I was saying – I was reading the papers (I deviated, I know) and I stumbled upon this most gruesome, odious, abhorrent, cancerous, repugnant photograph:-

I would just like to point out that it was ‘News of the World’ newspaper that had decided to torment it’s readers with this vile, hideous filth.  She has arms that belong to an abuser of heroin (I’m sure she would find it more-ish if she tried it) and it is rancid!  I wanted to throw up everywhere when I saw this malnourished looking Madonna.  I want to throw up when I see her anyway. 

It is bad enough having to view a photograph of Madonna or see her on television as it is.  I can’t stand her pathetic attempt at an English accent, her stupid face, her shit songs and most of all, I find her general existence offensive.  I think even her children will agree that she is a grubby, revolting, disgusting prostitute.  I feel terrible for her children….I would rather be a destitute than be her child.  I would berate Madonna more but I really can’t be bothered.  She is just terrible.  She should stop being a cunt and sort her life out and by that I mean she should end all her ventures in the world and eradicate any semblance of her career from the face of the planet. 

Much love,

Jackson L. 

Catfish is shit. Peter Cook is a cult hero.

I watched Catfish yesterday.  It was tremendous.  I have never thought something could be THAT good at being SO shit.  I concede to More4 (TV channel) had me gripped.  It was advertised really very well.  It was made to look far more sinister than it actually was but, it was just an intense let down. 

It began with some douche who is a photographer who found an 8 year old girl on facebook.  She was an artist.  She was something of a prodigy.  He began to send her photographs so that she could paint them, which she did, exceptionally well, it must be said.  It was almost too good for just an 8 year old but, I suppose that’s what a prodigy is.  So, as the documentary dragged on, it expressed his getting to know the little girl and her family.  The more he got to know them he developed deeper relationship with the mother of the family.  He got to know the little girl’s half sister and he began talking to her more and more and he started to – from what I can see – fall for her.  Naturally he wanted to travel across the states to go and visit ‘his love’ (gay) and meet the rest of her family.  I say naturally because, as aforementioned, the dude was a stupid cunting douchebag.  Is that not just weird as fuck?! 

“Hey, I got to know you on Facebook so I’ll travel 500 miles to come meet you because thats normal!”

Things began to sour for him as he realised certain things did not add up.  Upon showing up unannounced at the mother’s house, as she was the only one he had spoken to for more than 20 seconds, he realised that it was all a total fabrication.  The mother had created 15 Facebook accounts and she was a compulsive liar.  It was not her 8 year old daughter who was the painter, it was her.  She was the artist. 

Now, when this happens, any normal, self-respecting human being with any semblance of sensibility would just up and leave.  I, personally, would be like

“Bitch, you lie! You lie!! Send me your paintings from hell!” 

I would berate her some more and then leave, never to see or speak to her ever again. 

No, this powerfully emotional penis has kept in touch with her – even on Facebook along with another 731 friends (another painfully annoying cunt with more friends on his Facebook page than there are days in the year).  What a cunting dickcheese!

It was a shit documentary and if you want to waste 2 hours of your life then watch it.  It was in no way moving.  It was creepy, weird and very, very shit.  It reaffirms my stand against Facebook.  FUCK FACEBOOK!  You meet lying dickheads who seek needless attention from other souless, lifeless wankers.

I was on the tube reading ‘Tragically I was an Only Twin’, a book detailing Peter Cook’s rise to comedy heroism and his career thereof.  I was approached by a gentleman in his mid to late 60s.  He said –

“Excuse me; do you know who Peter Cook is?”

I thought at first, what a hysterically pompous prick!  Not only did he interrupt me from reading a book that I need to force myself to put down but it also seemed to be really rather condescending.  But then I realised, and it hurts me sincerely, that I did not live in the generation where the world saw Peter Cook become a cult legend of comedy. 

I looked up and said

“I found Derek and Clive when I was about 13 or 14 and my life changed forever.  I have never looked back.”

He laughed.  We further discussed how genius Peter Cook is.  Truly a pioneer.  I said to him, I love that he is so very cult.  He seemed to disagree with me at first.  I mentioned to him that not many people know about him the same way people knew about comedians like Tommy Cooper or the two Ronnies or Monty Python or Richard Pryor or comedians who are now considered legendary who are still performing today like; Eddie Izzard, Ricky Gervais etc.  Though, when you look at those who do know and love him – John Cleese, Michael Palin, Steven Fry, they all really love him and think he is the greatest.  He agreed.  We both agreed that he has undeniably changed the face of comedy forever.  He left.  I carried on reading.

I really cherished meeting another person who thought Peter Cook was just pure concentrated brilliance.  These moments are few and far between.  As I was reading I realised that he was so far ahead of his time. 

Much love,

Jackson L.

Osama Bin Laden is dead - 02/05/11

Well then America is lying in the midst of their hangover and vomit after “partying hard” due to their celebrations following the finding and assassination of Osama Bin Laden during a 40 minute raid in a remote compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan on the 2^nd of May. 

Before 11/09/2001 - or the event known as 9/11 to the general populous – Osama Bin Laden, to many, was nothing more than just a very rich man who funded terrorist organisations to carry out atrocities.  He was known for finding the terrorist organisation known as ‘Al Qaeda’ who are notorious for causing chaos and sending destructive terror ripples to rip through cities.  Chaos, devastation and desolation ensues. 

He was on the FBI’s ‘Most Wanted List’ for attacks on US embassies in major East African cities such as; Nairobi, Kenya and Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania.  It would seem like overnight Osama Bin Laden became a very well known household name.  The tragic events of 9/11 claimed the lives of many people from all different types of race, religion, creed and culture.  I’m sure I need not remind anyone of the actions that took place but it involved the collisions of jumbo jets into the World Trade Centre towers in New York City.  Well over 3000 civilians died that day – including the brave firefighters and police men and women of New York - and numerous died several months later died due to adverse side effects like lymphoma.  The fires left in the debris of the attacks raged on for more than 100 days after the attacks. 

I would now like to take the opportunity to say I am glad the fucker is gone.  Bin Laden has done nothing but killed many innocent men, women and children in the name of Islam consequently inciting racial hatred towards Muslims.  He was a disgusting human being with a powerful ability to convince himself that he was a just mercenary.  To end the life of one innocent individual is a grave catastrophe for it is best to let 1000 guilty men live than to let 1 innocent man die. 

The faith which I follow was constantly made to look evil due to that complete and utter cunt.  Islamophobia became a fabric worn by many and I feel it was due to people’s lack of understanding of my religion which was very negatively portrayed by the media as, in my opinion; they seemed to believe Bin Laden’s every word about my religion.  As if we would have that kind of barbaric knob to be an ambassador for a religion of over a billion people.  Not to say other religions are not right, as I do not believe in a ‘wrong’ religion, I believe whatever makes you a good person, (A very good Catholic friend of mine asked me if I would be offended if he would bless himself in my house.  My response was we implore that kind of thing.)  But, is it really possible for 1 billion people to be as sick and twisted as Bin Laden?  Come on!

Now, having said that, and I must iterate I am not a conspiracy theorist, I must raise a few questions –

1. The first question I asked was “Why was he buried at sea?” A US spokesman came out and indicated the US officials’ interest to respect the Islamic ideal by being buried in 24 hours (first I have heard of it….) and their desire was to fulfill the belief of the dead man.  So, why contradict yourselves by burying a Muslim at sea?  The man had indeed been in hiding for the best part of the last decade, I am sure some sort of secret location would not be too stretching for government or military personnel?  It just seems a little too convenient. 
2. America is now turning to Pakistan to ask why their military intelligence did not know of Bin Laden’s whereabouts.  For people like Bin Laden, disappearing was easy.  Though, the worrying thing is this has reignited and catalysed nervous tension on an already abysmal relationship.  Reminds me of the “We gotta go into Pakistan…” speech Obama gave.  I wonder if out of nowhere a conflict will arise?
3. Speaking of Obama, last week he was a total US President villain.  His ratings were at an all-time low but now the first black President will be immortilised for catching the biggest global threat.  Convenient?  In 40 minutes he is now one of the greatest Presidents to have ever dwelled the White House. 
4. A former Pakistani Prime Minister known as Benazir Bhutto had said that Bin Laden had been hiding in Pakistan however, he had died in 2007.  She was assassinated shortly after that interview.  I am not saying I believe what she was saying but, it may explain why there was such need to ‘bury the body in 24 hours’??! Who knows? 
5. Is it not a little bit insulting to the families of the victims of 9/11 to not see such a tyrannical monster brought to trial? Some may not have wanted it but others probably would have. 

As per usual, there is something not quite right about the way our ‘oh so wise’ governments deal with major issues such as these (please see the Libya conflict to further endorse my ramblings – evidence).  Nonetheless the vast majorities blindly follow their governments and always seem to believe that they are ‘making the best decisions’. Yeah, recession, mate!  Wars.  Not using military strength when needed to…..to…um…..I dunno….OVER THROW GADAFFI?!  It doesn’t take a genius.  There’s your ‘best decisions’.  There are very few who question their government’s decisions.  These are the people who do not fear their governments.  Governments should fear their people. 

As aforementioned, I am not some crazy conspiracy theorists and if anyone has any semblance of genuine, sensible answers to these questions please do let me know them.  Also, I can understand people’s elation or relief that we are now officially not living in a world of a colossal (prick) global threat, hey, I am one of the happiest as I feel he was a key player in making Muslims look like the most backwards, barbaric, grotesque people to have lived, however, celebrating it to the extent in which people in the US have is – like everything American – a little extreme.  We were even discussing this in the office today and we have all concluded that it is only throwing fuel in a waning fire.  It will reignite and it will be aggressive.  I fear an imminent retaliation.   

Al Qaeda have been delivered a major blow.  They are deeply wounded.  A wounded animal is an animal which is most dangerous. 

Much love,

Jackson L.