Olympics 2012

OK OK, my mind has well and truly been changed about the Olympics.  I am actually quite into it.  Ever since the opening ceremony I was like “Yeah, alright!  Let’s fuckin’ do this London!” 

I have actively tried to obtain tickets to an event now that all the corporation fucktards are making it all look bad by not attending causing the ‘empty seats’ debacle.  From a world’s games perspective that does look pretty bad, in fairness.  Also, I still maintain that many of the events are a load of bullshit.  Also, I recently discovered that some sports are so much more pointless than people are letting on from a total different standpoint.  Swimming.  Humans have not been engineered to be quick at swimming.  Sharks are fast at swimming.  DOLPHINS(!) - or ‘dorrpheenah’ for my Japanese followers (hello!!) – are fast swimmers.  But humans?! No.  You put a shark up against a human, 9 times out of 10 the shark will win.  The one time the human wins is because the shark is disabled and gay and ginger and bad at sports and probably dead. 

Furthermore, the Olympic lanes have come into full effect and it is full on traffic jams for 2+ hours at a time!  How fucking dumb is that idea?! 5 million+ London cars on the road, 15000 people needing to go to and from athletic events…. Yeah.  Makes sense.  Dick!

Anyways, so I am once again sorry for being so under the radar…once a month is fast becoming a luxury but this is because I am now trying to set up a business where I work for myself.  I have recently qualified as a nutritionist and I do this a long with personal training freelance.  I have business cards and everything!  I have had to get a few things set up such as get a business bank account, company name registration, web domains, business cards and leaflets etc.  It is an exciting venture which I will need to work really hard at!   This is to help me save up for another business venture I have been planning.  I have had the idea in mind for a little while now so I will hopefully get something going asap!  I won’t be mentioning the idea as a good business idea is a quiet one!  I just need that start up to crack on.  So I am very, very busy!  

I have recently tried a new flavour of frozen yogurt called ‘Cake Batter’. Essentially it is frozen custard.  It is awesome! If you get the chance try it!  It is like sex for your mind and your mouth.  

Much love,

Jackson L. 

Train home and thoughts on the Olympics 2012

On my way home for a temporary period.  It is a little unfortunate that have HaD to come home earlier than I would have liked to - essentially the avoid the Olympics (I shall discuss why in a moment).

Anyway, on the train I have the tragic misfortune of being sat within an earshot of the most pretentious cunt hair in the fucking universe! I don't mind people making polite conversations on journeys such as the one I'm currently on....in fact I believe it is a lost art.  What did we ever do pre technology on long journeys?? You can only read the papers for so long.... so talk! I encourage you to engage in conversation but, not when you are constantly talking yourself up or speaking audibly with the phone to your ear even thought you probably didn't even get a fucking call!

"Yeah she invited Mr other island which is awesome!"

This is one of many quotes which I had the severe displeasure of hearing.  Well, you pretentious motherfucker, you are travelling to Glasgow - Britain's poor man - on standard class with Virgin trains.

Well done you ya fucking knob! While talking to the young family seated near him he conveyed is love for many of the Asian capitol cities he visited during his "massive tour of Asia" including Japan, Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand etc. When he was asked about Kuala Lumpur he woefully responds with "Where's that?" I'm not even joking, I legitimately smacked my had against my head in a disgusted manner. He later explained that he was from a small, secluded hillbilly butt fuck town on he outskirts of Glasgow where they have no electricity, hot water or have any knowledge of what the Fucking internet is! This place is known as Ayr. Explains it all. I even took a photo of the monstrous cunt and tweeted it out of sheer disgust. You will find that he is fat and crap and most definitely bad at sports even though he may have only vague interest in sports like cricket and polo to make him appear cultured and interesting but in actuality is a complete fucktard who just likes to say shit to please people. I have been on the train a little over 2 hours and he has already surpassed anybody I have ever met or known of in terms of knobbish douchery. With regards to the Olympics games which has found it's way to London this year, I desperately wanted to be out of London for it, London is already insanely busy. Road works are taking the piss, public transport is sub par at best and in addition, they have added an Olympic lane on the roads of London for VIPs and athletes...I want to be on this lane, find the symbol and piss all over it because I don't give a fuckshit. That's right "fuckshit". Its so much powerful, don't you agree? How dumb as the Olympics? Some of the events are such non-things...javelin throwing - essentially throw a spear as far as you can...you know we have guns, right? No one uses spears for anything anymore. Shot put....you basically threw a 5kg pebble far. Good for you. Olympic marathon runners - unless you run marathons for charities there is literally no fucking reason to run such excessive amounts! There is keeping fit, healthy, losing weight etc and then there is jut plain sad. You ran 26.2 miles in 3 hours? I drove it in half an hour. Don't you feel like a shite bag now? Go on start crying. Go on. There are so many more but I just can't be arsed talking about it. Don't get me wrong, some are good. Some. The worst thing is they get the nations of the world to descend upon one city to compete in bullshit like shooting and everyone goes fucking ape shit for it! Why? I'm hungry. I'm getting food and is all continue my journey rather irate at the counts I'm surrounded by. Much love, Jackson L

Red Hot Chili Peppers

I recently went to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers (RHCP), a band which I love!  They are so summery and awesome to listen to.  Not only do they create sweet, sweet music for a sad, sad world but, they compliment the music well with their excellent lyricism. 

None of this Carly Rae Jepsen bullshit –

“Before you came into my life I missed you so bad”  That makes no god damn motherfucking sense you dumb fuck!

Anyway, Chilis!  So it was an open air event which, when the tickets were bought we were thinking YES!!!  Summer time in London! A summery band!  A band who dedicated a summer song about summer in London!!! (Emmit Remmus) I felt like Hannibal from The A team!

Needless to say, the weather was balls.  In addition, the concert was a total let down, despite a welcome idiosyncratic set list including Sir Psycho Sexy, Higher Ground and Soul to Squeeze.  Take that part time fans!!!  I realised despite RHCP being an awesome band, they aren’t up to much live.  They certainly weren’t as energetic as Dizee Rascal who actually stole the show, despite being a total bell-end with his hooliganistic chant of:

“LETS GOT FUCKIN’ BONKERS! LETS GO FUCKIN’ BONKERS!! NANA NANA NANAA NANAA”

I’ll be honest, I was loving that!  I embrace any given moment of being a hooligan, when it is or isn’t socially acceptable.  I love it!  Fuck you!!

Anyway, the weather being shitty and the 2 and a bit hours or so that the chilis were on, I realised that not only was I distinctly disappointed with the way my life was going in that given moment, I was also strongly loathing all the cunts I was surrounded by....essentially a bunch of cunty-chops who had obviously never experienced alcohol before, didn’t know how to handle it and were freakin’ it!  In addition to this, they probably think that the chilis are the best band ever.  As previously stipulated, they aren’t anything spectacular live and if you know me, you know I have been to more than my fair share of gigs. 

My problems with the headliners:  Well, not much of a crowd interaction was the most obvious.  It was almost as if they were there just for the sake of it.  It was the fourth time I have seen the chilis and the last two times have been a shambles!  Flea has become a little cocky in my opinion, thanking only 2 of the 3 support acts.  Knob.  And also, The new guitarist Josh clinghoffer#psqriohgqbwer;cvl            qwebf;khjbg      qwerg – that’s his name – was basically non-existent.  He may as well have been backstage doing the instrumentals (bring back Mr John Frusciante, please!) Chad was awesome.  I do love Chad.  He is always up for it.  T. Keidis was the first off stage.  It was as if he couldn’t wait to fuck off.  I don’t get it!

Furthermore, as I have already mentioned....the fans that were there.  Fucking hell!  Bar, one or two funny lads from Wales....the rest were a bunch of kids who pretended to know how to smoke and like I already said, thought the Chilis were god’s gift to the world.  It reminded me of my brief stint on the RHCP app. 

I need to say, I thought the idea of the app was super kool. You were able to keep up with the band’s current affairs, buy merchandise, see videos, lyrics and interact with other fans.  It was almost like twitter specifically for the chilis.  But, I say it was brief because around a week later I realised the vast majority were a bunch of retards who hated you if you were outside of the opinion that the chilis were the greatest band of all time x infinity100000000000000000000000000000000.  Now, I love the chilis, I have all their albums and I, better than most, know their history, all the names that have been and gone etcetc.  But, one conversation with a ‘fellow apper’ put me off completely. 

(This was a while ago...)

APPER: I am trying to think of another band as good as the chilis who have been going as long as them.

ME: Chilis been going for 28 years.  Metallica recently got inaugurated into the hall of fame for 30 years of music AND they are working on a new album.

APPER: Yeah but, they are not as good as the chilis

ME: That’s a difference of opinion and it is debateable.

OTHER APPER (my sister): Maiden released an album only last year, still touring and have been going longer than Metallica, even.  Motorhead celebrated 35 years a few years ago and recently released an album and AC/DC are touring.

APPER: Yeah but none of their albums are as good as the chilis or as acclaimed

OTHER APPER: Yes they are and also, the foos had an album which was highly revered. 

APPER:  You’re such a hater!  I’m going to go and listen to Porcelain to calm myself down. 

Then, everyone jumped on the bandwagon and started to call us haters for knowing about other bands.  Cunts. 

Also, can I just say – Porcelain is without doubt thee gayest song in the chilis’ back catalogue.  Even the chilis are like:

“Sorry lads.  Dunno what that was about.”

Also, how are we haters just because we had a different opinion??! That guy was what I would like to call a knobcunt hybrid.  He is the worst of both worlds.  He is a hermaphrodite.  He’s a herm!  Not only does he listen to porcelain but no other bands are allowed to be better than the chilis.  Knobcunt!

We were surrounded by the same bunch of knobcunts on Saturday and it was painful.  You can’t beat a Motorhead crowd!

Much love,

Jackson L.